Hello, ladies and gentlemen of the internet, and once again welcome to my blog! I've decided to try out something new for a change that will allow me to continue making reviews even when I'm feeling pretty lazy. Now, instead of waiting a month or two for my next review, I've decided to review pop music itself to coincide with my album reviews. This will make it seem like I'm not just waiting until the end of the year to vent out my opinions on different songs. I know I haven't reviewed any albums in a while, but in all honesty, 2014's been pretty stale in both songs and albums. It's the end of April and there hasn't been a single song released in 2014 that's charted in the top 10. I'm not even kidding, every single popular hit from this whole year has been the leftovers from 2013. Clearly people couldn't get enough of that year. Fortunately, I've gone ahead and reviewed Sing before it inevitably (hopefully) enters the top 10 and becomes a trend-setter in its own way. But, seriously, 2014's been just a stale year so far. I haven't reviewed any albums this year because there hasn't been much to work with. I felt like reviewing Pharrell's G I R L, Eric Church's The Outsiders, Aloe Blacc's Lift Your Spirit, and Foster the People's Supermodel. But, after a year of almost entirely positive reviews, I didn't feel much like talking about albums that I enjoyed and nothing else. Honestly, there were only so many 8's and 7's I could give out before I'd have to drop the whole X/10 thing for it not meaning anything. And since I didn't feel like buying albums that I didn't like, I felt like I had to change up my formula. Keep in mind that I'm not mellowing out or anything, I'm still going to review albums. I believe Coldplay is coming out with one soon, and I gotta review that.
Also, I'd like to add that I'm not going to go back and do my top 10 albums of 2013. It's at the end of April, and I don't want to have to have a rule like the "only on the Billboard 200 year end" rule or something, because I am not going to go and listen to 200 albums to do that list. I also bought a lot of albums last year that I never reviewed, for instance The Neighborhood's I Love You or Justin Timberlake's The 20/20 Experience - 2 of 2. I would go ahead and say that you could look at my reviews from last year and piece together from my ratings on each what my top 10 would be, but that would be a terrible idea. Why? Because wow has my opinion changed on them. I have been contemplating on re-reviewing Magna Carta Holy Grail and Save Rock and Roll, because I would've given them a 3/10 and a 4/10 respectively. What awfully disappointing albums. In fact, I don't even like the songs that I said I liked on them. Holy Grail has gotten really old and stale with me rather quickly, and there's only like 2 songs that I even like from Save Rock and Roll. And I tell you, they aren't My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up) or Save Rock and Roll (what awful and shallow songs those are). But anyway, if you wanna know what my favorites were of last year, I can't tell you exactly what my top 10 were, but my top 3 are definitely 3. Pure Heroine by Lorde 2. Yeezus by Kanye West and 1. Random Access Memories by Daft Punk. Even if I listened to more albums, I don't think I'd change that top 3, so no matter what they're pretty much set in stone. Well, I've certainly ranted on long enough, time to get on with what this review's about.
Welcome to a new segment of my blog: SONG V SONG! Here I'll take different rising pop songs and put them head to head and see which one will come out on top. This is the first installment of the series, so I figured, why not take a shot at two of the biggest icons in pop music over the past two years; Ed Sheeran and Justin Timberlake. One's a red head from England and the other's one of the most well-respected music legends of the past decade and a half. So, we've got quite a competition going on today. I don't want to waste any more time, so let's jump right in!
Song 1: Not A Bad Thing By: Justin Timberlake
Justin Timberlake's coming right off after a hugely successful year in 2013. Releasing two no. 1 albums, touring with Jay-Z, and becoming relevant again, it was clear that Justin meant business. So what would he follow up one of his most successful years with? How about this... a song which is basically "I Love You" and... well that's about it. Look, I obviously don't have a problem with romantic songs. I like them way more (usually) than bro country or luxury rap songs which are nothing more than someone throwing their dick around. But, here's the problem. With all songs, it all comes back to who made them. And in this case, Justin Timberlake of course. But, musically what do we remember from Justin Timberlake? He's a man with swagger, class, a man of high class, but is still cool enough to go to Taco bell right after winning a whole bunch of awards. I'm sure most people agree that Justin Timberlake's at his best when he's at front and center of your attention and boasting about how great he is. Why? Because he can pull it off. He's a man who's allowed to whip his dick all over the place and act like the greatest man alive, because he's just that cool. He's somebody who would crash your wedding, cause you to go bankrupt, and deport you to another country and you'd still love him anyway. That's one of the reasons why Suit & Tie is so great; it's stylish, it's boastful, and it's suave. Because that's what Justin Timberlake is like! He's so great at being the front and center of your attention that by the time he makes a love song, it really catches me by surprise. I'll admit that when I first heard this song I didn't even think it was from Justin Timberlake. I couldn't believe that a song like this that is so sweet and yet standard came from a man like Justin Timberlake.
Of course, Not A Bad Thing is not a bad song. In fact, I like it way more than John Legend's big hit right now, All of Me. But, I have no other choice to compare it to anything but Mirrors; his biggest single from last year. Now, Mirrors musically is a fantastic song. it's 8 minutes long that demands to be replayed. It's classical, soulful, and above all - romantic. Even though the lyrics might've needed to be changed here and there, it's still a great song. The way that Mirrors carries itself out through it's entirety is fantastic; from the opening riff to halfway in when it becomes a completely different song. Since that was Justin Timberlake's last love song and last top 10 hit, I have no other choice but to compare Not A Bad Thing to Mirrors. And with Not A Bad Thing, everything just seems so watered down. There aren't any killer hooks, and the original is actually 11 freaking minutes long. But, unlike Mirrors, Not A Bad Thing doesn't blend in to the other half well. It sounds like everything was lumped together in production. And above all, Not A Bad Thing sounds way too much like an album closer. However, despite its flaws, it translates to a single rather well; that is when you remove the last 7 minutes or so.
Not A Bad Thing does have its flaws, but it still holds up fairly well. This is of course, because it is a Justin Timberlake song. Songs have a lot to do with who made them, because both the artist and single reflect off of one another. Fortunately, it was Justin Timberlake who made Not A Bad Thing and not anyone else. Not A Bad Thing is definitely something that Justin Timberlake and only Justin Timberlake can get away with. Especially in the lyrics. "Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free" why yes, Justin Timberlake. "Oh girl, you didn't have to spend $33,576 and 2 and a half years of your life with me to discover that it was me who loved you best! All you had to do was cuddle with me. A lot." That's what I at least get from that line. Or how about, "Cause you might fuck around and find your dreams come true with me." I translate this to "Oh baby, you so fine and I love you, even though you might date other men, you'll eventually discover that I'm the one who will love you and only you forever." Good thing Justin Timberlake made this and only Timberlake, because then the chorus might've gone "So I won't act like it's a bad thing to be friendzoned by you." Also, you're Justin Timberlake! Who in their right mind would think it's a bad thing to fall in love with you!? You can get any woman, man, piece of antique farm equipment to fall in love with you without question!
But to finish this analysis up, Not A Bad Thing, isn't that bad of song. Hell, I actually still find it to be really enjoyable. It's got a great chorus to sing along to with your woman, man, or piece of antique farm equipment. The hook isn't that it's sexy, but it's beautiful. Like, this is a song you expect people are going to cuddle up to in their hammocks on the beach this summer during a beautiful sunset. And then proceed to have CRAZY SEX to. It just falls short of being up to par with what Justin Timberlake is able to do. But hey, don't worry. If you want Timberlake music, there's something else out there for you to enjoy.
Exactly like this, but without the hammock
Song 2: Sing By: Ed Sheeran
Now, here's what I'm talking about. During the exact same time, we have an Ed Sheeran song from Justing Timberlake and a Justin Timberlake song from Ed Sheeran. Unlike Justin Timberlake, Ed Sheeran's been more of a unsung hero in the pop music scene (or more like an unsung something, I wouldn't use hero myself). Despite having one song that was barely a hit, he's accumulated a huge fan base since the release of his debut album, +. But now it looks like he's ready to turn his first album on its side for his second release. No, literally turn it on its side. His second album's titled X, which is a 45 degree difference from his first album. But, this ain't mathematics here, so I'll move on.
I should address the obvious here and that is that I never got a great impression from Ed Sheeran. If you read my worst songs of 2013, then you'd remember that I gave The A Team by Mr. Sheeran an honorable mention. I never mentioned that in the beginning few months of 2013 I was sure that I was going to place The A Team at number 1. Eventually I stopped hating on it as much, but it's still an incredibly poor song to me. I just couldn't get passed how juvenile Ed Sheeran made a dying prostitute sound like. And no, Elton John's performance didn't help at all. So, I was really skeptical of how Ed Sheeran's newest single would turn out. I've seen artists in the past that I strongly disliked turn themselves around completely in the course of just one year before (like Bruno Mars). So, how does this song present the new sound of Ed Sheeran? How do I feel about this new single in just one sentence?
WOOHOO! There's my sentence. Short sweet and to the point. Congrats Ed Sheeran, you're the winner of this year's "I should give you more of a listen, but mostly because your second album kicks so much ass" award. How is this possible? I'll tell you how. You know who produced this song? None other than Pharrell. Hell, it sounds like a Pharrell song. But, Pharrell's already enjoying a rather lengthy stay at the top of the charts right now (for good reason) so why not give Ed Sheeran a shot? I mean, this song is so fun and catchy, and it sounds just like a Justin Timberlake song. Even more so, Ed Sheeran said himself that this song was inspired by Justin Timberlake, especially his first two albums. But, if we're getting Ed Sheeran music from Justin Timberlake and Justin Timberlake music from Ed Sheeran, then why not? If Ed Sheeran's second album is this damn good as Sing is, I might end up buying and reviewing it. But, how does Sing work?
Well, unlike Not A Bad Thing, Sing is more of a story. Well y'see, Ed Sheeran is at this party with this pretty fine young thing and then he decides to make a move on her. Badda bing badda boom, everything goes well and the story leads to of course CRAZY SEX. Hey, that's enough story for me. But, the chorus is the most powerful part of the song. When the song shouts "SING!" Sing what? Well, sing Ed Sheeran! You're killing it! I mean, line after line here is executed flawlessly. It's fast-paced, it's action-packed, and it's guaranteed to make you groove with it. It looks like in this SONG V SONG Justin Timberlake decided to stay home from the party, whereas Ed Sheeran is the party. So go ahead, Ed Sheeran, please continue making music that's this fun and energetic. Of course, getting Pharrell to produce helps too, but Sing's strength definitely comes from Ed Sheeran being able to pull this off in a surprisingly unexpected way.
How Ed Sheeran presents himself (and by that, I mean he presents himself as Batman of course)
THE WINNER: SING
Yeah, it's easy to see who came out on top with this one. Congratulations Ed Sheeran for winning my first ever SONG V SONG! You win this round, but hopefully I'll be able to compare Justin Timberlake and Ed Sheeran in the future again. I hope you enjoyed my first SONG V SONG! I'll be able to keep up with these a lot more often than album reviews, which I'll still be doing. From now on, expect a new post from me at least once per week, which will probably be uploaded on the weekends. But, I've got big plans with new SONG V SONG reviews and album reviews in the future. Be sure to look out until next time!
Look at how happy he is with winning the first SONG V SONG
Finally, I count down my picks for the top 15 best hist songs of 2013. Just like my other year end lists, the same rules apply. Only songs that ended on the year end 100 and did not appear on my previous lists are eligible for this list. But, I decided to make this a top 15, rather than a top 10, because I find it much more enjoyable to make a list where I constantly write about and listen to good songs. And, I felt that 15 felt more appropriate, because most of the songs on this list aren't just good songs, they're great songs. 2013 was a pretty loopy year for pop music, but in the end I enjoyed this past year more than 2012. It's just that 2012 was so confused and didn't have too much of an identity. When historians look back on the 10's decade, 2012 will probably be the odd one out. 2013, on the other hand, definitely had an identity. Most of the big songs this year were definitive big songs. Even the bad ones had an identity that set them apart from the rest. Of course, like any year of pop music, there will still be a lot of crap. But I enjoy focusing on what I enjoyed more so than the songs that I hated. So, here are my picks for the top 15 best songs of 2013!
#15. Clarity By: Zedd feat. Foxes Year End Position # 24
I feel like I may've been a bit too harsh on EDM in my Worst List. But I wanna make something clear, there were EDM hits in 2013 that I liked. This being just one of them (yes, there will be others to come). Now, my distaste for most EDM in recent years is mainly because it just doesn't work. If you're going to have a dance song, then have a dance song. If you're going to have a break-up song, then have a break-up song. Why would you wanna combine both? But, Clarity excels where most fail. In all accounts, I should hate this song. It's definitely over-produced, Foxes' voice never lets down constantly throughout the song, and it was of course one of the most overplayed songs of the year. Clairty, instead, is more of a hidden gem in the EDM world. Yes, it comes off as something I should despise, but Zedd and Foxes hit all of the right places in this song. Zedd's production is amazing, and the added vocals to the chorus really make this a beautiful song. The beat isn't as blaring and obnoxious as Sweet Nothing or anything Mike Will Made It has ever made. In fact, this was one of my favorite hooks of 2013. Foxes also has a beautiful voice, and I'm not saying many other EDM singers aren't great vocalists, I'm just saying that Foxes works well with the song. This is one of the only feat. artists in the EDM genre that doesn't seem completely phoned in. Like, when Foxes and the backing vocals are wailing, you feel every emotion you can possible feel. The only reason that this wasn't higher on the list was because it's hard to understand exactly what pain Foxes is going through. If the other person in question is truly a piece of her, and they are her clarity and her remedy, then why is she so upset? Maybe Foxes is the one who's not the other person's clarity or remedy, and this is being reflected back on her feelings. Kind've confusing I'll be honest. If Clarity was only more clear to its meaning, then this would be the remedy to EDM. However, it's still a great song, and I'll get to even better EDM songs later.
#14. Treasure By: Bruno Mars Year End Position # 30
I am now a Bruno Mars fan. If you would've asked me back in 2012 what I thought of the man, I probably would've ranted angrily for about 30 minutes. Until Unorthodox Jukebox, his second album, came out and my opinion became the polar opposite. It was apparent that I completely underestimated the man. Sure, he can make sappy ballad after sappy ballad, but Treasure is what he can make when he honestly tries. And try he did. I mean, I love just about everything that this song presents. It's so funky, so sexy, and the music video is just awesome. Dare I say, one of the best music videos of 2013? And, what other song would start out with "Baby squirrel, you's a sexy motherfucker"? I just adore this song. I love everything about it. I love how cheesy it takes itself; Bruno Mars would be a lot better of an artist from his first album if he didn't take himself too seriously. I mean, this is one of the songs that you know will be overplayed on your parent's radio station, but you will be delighted to hear every time. I look forward to listening to Treasure in between the Everything I do I do it for you's, the Payphone's, and especially the Just The Way You Are's on the light stations. Bruno Mars had to try hard to make himself a renowned likeable artist, and Treasure was the right step he needed. Will Bruno Mars make anything better than Treasure? Well, you'll have to wait and see.
#13. Best Song Ever By: One Direction Year End Position # 74
I don't know what I'd call this. I don't know if I should call Best Song Ever a guilty pleasure or an actual good song. Well, for one, I've never liked One Direction as soon as I first heard them. To me, they've come off as a boy band and nothing else. They've never done anything remarkable to differentiate themselves from any other boy band in history. Now, I'm not a big fan of boy bands, but even artists I don't usually care for can of course release a good song. Best Song Ever comes off suprisingly enough as the best song that One Direction could ever make. Everything about this works, not just as a good pop song, but a good song in general. First, open by directly sampling one of the most famous rock songs of all time, Baba O'reiley by The Who. Now, if you're going to sample a well-loved song that is no doubt going to cause a lot of controversy, it would be a good idea to sample a really good song from a really good band. And controversy it did cause. Pete Townshend was even asked how he felt about Best Song Ever, to which he described that the like the song and liked One Direction. I'm not even kidding, look it up if you don't believe me. Second, this a song about not getting the girl and possibly never seeing her ever again. And this is coming from a boy band. Just think about that for a second, One Direction making a big hit song about not getting to score. Finally, it's just a fun song. If you're going to make a song about having a great stupid night that ended in a stupid situation, then you might as well make an absurdly stupid and fantastic pop song that everyone, especially one of the biggest rock icons of all time, will find enjoyable. Hopefully One Direction's next big hits will follow Best Song Ever and not their other hits...
#12. Die Young By: Ke$ha Year End Position # 57
Now, this isn't the firs time that Die Young appeared on my blog. My first album review was Warrior by Ke$ha, so I've already talked about this song quite a bit. Now, rather than state my opinions twice, did you know that apparently a lot of people thought that this song sounds too similar to Good Feeling by Flo Rida? Now, if you read my worst list of 2012, then you'll know how I feel about Good Feeling. Honestly, I don't see too much of a similarity, but then again, I much prefer a very well written and produced dance jam than Good Feeling. But, if I like this song so much, then why didn't I put it on last year's list? Well, just like how Die Young is only number 12 for 2013, Die Young just didn't make my top 10 cut, and honestly this felt like a song more for 2013 to me. Perhaps that it was released in late 2012 that it resonated more with me in 2013. But anyway, Die Young is still just as good as it always has been, and I knew that it was going to be on this year's Best List.
#11. Suit & Tie By: Justin Timberlake feat. Jay-Z Year End Position # 20
You hear that sound immediatley when the video ends? That's the sound of ovaries exploding. Which, I'm pretty sure is the side effect this song has on people. Look, I'm a man, but I have a huge celebrity crush on Justin Timberlake. The man is just so suave he can make brushing his teeth look like it belongs in a glamour magazine. I, like most people, was pleasantly surprised when Justin Timberlake announced that he would finally be coming back full-swing in 2013 with not just 1, but 2 albums. Not only that, he also made plans to go on tour with Jay-Z, one of the biggest names in hip-hop for the past forever. I mean, what's not to love about a combination of one of the most stylish and smooth men in the world? Of course they also made Holy Grail, which honestly is a big guilty pleasure of mine. But, Suit & Tie is a hit that I can love without any feelings of guilt or remorse. Justin Timberlake is a living god of pop music, and Jay-Z is the Zeus of rap, minus the epic beard and impregnating everything in his path. But I'm pretty sure that Jay-Z has the power of lightning. That wouldn't surprise me at all. What else is there to say about a song that's so stylish and so sexy? And yet, this was only my 11th best pick of the year. So, from here on out, these are my official top 10 picks.
I'll take a quick break from the countdown to humiliate myself. Here's a list of some guilty pleasures of mine from 2013.
Runnin' Outta Moonlight By: Randy Houser
I like this song simply because it's a light "bro-country" song. What I mean is that it comes off like a "bro-country" song, but without all the pain that Florida Georgia Line bring to the table. Like, Randy Houser makes such a good case for wanting to have a good time, and runnin' outta moonlight is a clever way to recognize your mortality.
Downtown By: Lady Antebellum
I appreciate this song for being an actual country song.
Troublemaker By: Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida
People gave so much crap to Robin Thicke for being a "wannabe Timberlake" and this guy who nobody's ever heard of (Olly Murs) gets a free pass? It's still a fun song though, even if Flo Rida doesn't add anything to it. He also doesn't take away anything from Troublemaker either.
The Fox By: Ylvis
This song is fucking hilarious.
Crash My Party By: Luke Bryan
Oh, who's this guy? The very same one who ended up with the worst song of 2013? Yeah, I don't hate Luke Bryan like I don't hate Maroon 5, and his other hit this past year I found rather enjoyable.
I Cry By: Flo Rida
Look, I don't hate Flo Rida either. I find him rather harmless. Plus, if this is the only song he ever releases that I like, than I'm fine with that.
Boys' Round Here By: Blake Shelton feat. Pistol Annies
This song is so blunt it's hilarious. It's also everything that accidental racist should be.
Heart Attack By: Demi Lovato
The main reason I like this song is because it's fun to sing along to... Even if I did listen to it about 100 times it's still just a guilty pleasure!
Holy Grail By: Jay-Z feat. Justin Timberlake
It's the one of the few songs from Magna Carta Holy Grail that I liked, and I find the theme of fear from falling from your current status much more appreciative than bragging about your material worth. Justin's got a great voice, and Jay-Z's a good rapper; coupled with a great beat I'm sold. But if you hate this song, then I don't blame you.
Harlem Shake By: Baauer
I find it funny, ok? Get off my case.
And now to continue the list...
#10. Berzerk By: Eminem Year End Position # 67
Aww yiss! Slim Shady's back. In this bold return to the pop scene, Eminem presents himself at his finest. Bold, powerful, and most importantly, interesting. Seriously, I, like most of Eminem's fans, hailed one of his biggest singles of the year as a godsend. This song was released around the time when Katy Perry's Roar was boring up the charts and when Miley Cyrus rode naked on a giant wrecking ball. Of course, Berzerk wasn't the only song to break up that shitstorm of mediocrity, but I'll get to the other saving grace of fall/winter 2013 later. And for most Eminem fans, like myself, Berzerk was easy to love. First, it's a rage-fueled party jam. Look, Luke Bryan, this is how you do it. If you want someone to party, then make them party! Also, Berzerk is a perfect showcase of how awesome Rick Rubin is as a producer. Berzerk samples The Stroke, by Billy Squire, another classic rock song that made itself relevant in pop music in 2013. Berzerk also is obviously an homage to the Beastie Boys. I mean come on, this sounds exactly like something that the Beastie Boys could make. But hey, I'm glad that somebody made Berzerk, and that somebody happened to be Eminem. In a year where many artists had big comebacks, Eminem had the most forceful one. I mean, this song almost came out of nowhere and blasted us all with its awesomeness. Man, if only the rest of Eminem's songs from his new album could be this good (looking at you the Monster). Eminem wanted us to go Berzerk, and we did for this song.
#9. The Way By: Ariana Grande feat. Mac Miller Year End Position # 31
I adore this song. I don't just love it, I wanna cuddle with this song and read it bedtime stories. Ok, that might be a bit creepy, but that's how much I love The Way. Ariana Grande is so much better than Selena Gomez, or Miley Cyrus, or most every other teen pop icon. Maybe it's that Nickelodeon can provide better quality shows and singers than Disney can. Also, there's Mac Miller, who was this year's unsung rapper. Mac Miller just had to have his big hit in a year when he was the 3rd biggest white rapper, behind Eminem and someone else whom I'll get to later. But, The Way excels in more areas than just who the artists are. Let's take a look at Come and Get It, the year's other big teen icon hit song by an actual teen. Come and Get It is annoying, unnatractive, and doesn't even really have much of a message (but I've already ranted enough about it). The Way is smooth and sexy, just like Suit & Tie was. Make no mistake here, Ariana Grande and Mac Miller aren't just singing about being in love. Sure, The Way presents itself idealy as a song about two people who are so deeply in love with each other that they are at a complete loss for words. But this is a song marketed for younger audiences but for adults. Like, you've got two hip young people who are making a love song, right? Kind've. In reality this is equally for an older and mature audience as it is for kids. It's the love jam for everyone to enjoy. Just listen to the lyrics, obviously it's not only about being in love but also being ready to get your freak on with your loved one. This isn't just a love song, and this certainly isn't a sex song, it's a making love song. Not so much in the act of making love, but the fact that it is presented as two people throwing themselves at one another because they're so much interested in each other. It's such a beautiful song that I highly doubt anyone disliked it. Please Ariana Grande, have a larger impact on our music than Miley Cyrus did last year. PLEASE, for the sake of everyone's ears, we need more music this good! You do a fine job too, Mac Miller. The Way is such a damn good song, and it rightfully deserves its spot on the list.
#8. Swimming Pools (Drank) By: Kendrick Lamar Year End Position # 79
We've got enough rap songs about alcohol, but how many rap songs do we have that are about alcoholism (drank). If you couldn't tell, that's what Swimming Pools is about. Yes, I know Kendrick Lamar's "Swimming Pools" refer to swimming pools full of alcohol, not water. But Swimming Pools (Drank) isn't about drowning yourself in alcohol because you want to, it's a song about the fear and pressure others make you feel to drown yourself in alcohol. It's also somewhat a narrative, as Kendrick Lamar battles with his own subconscious. Everyone around you, including yourself, and everyone you've ever known is pressuring you to (drank). In the end, Kendrick himself gives in to the pressure as the song goes. What works well about Swimming Pools (drank) is also what makes it fall short. Y'see, the amount of times that (drank) is repeated in this song makes it come off as your average drinking song. I'm pretty sure quite a few people made their own swimming pools full of alcohol in response to this song's popularity. But hey, if you don't like the whole premise of Swimming Pools (drank) then that's fine to. Artists like Drake and Lil Wayne had their big rap hits of 2013 with some of the worst artists and the worst beats ever. Kendrick Lamar, on the other hand, only needed an incredible beat and he can handle the rest themselves (drank). I may've said in the past that only Daft Punk should be allowed to make music with repetitive lyrics, but Kendrick Lamar has the skills and the flow to back himself up (drank). Swimming Pools (drank) a song so good, it makes you celebrate in all the wrong ways.
#7. Radioactive By: Imagine Dragons Year End Position # 3
You know what this song is about? Death, war, destruction, violence, horror, terror, the apocalypse, revolution, defeating your enemies, shock, brutality, onslaughts, attacks, everything falling apart before your eyes, all things coming to waste and you rising above the ashes of a destroyed world and surging in power. This is a song about power above all else and becoming something new. And you know what? This is the # 3 song of the year. This was played more often than Katy Perry, or Florida Georgia Line, or Bruno Mars, or Justin Timberlake, or almost any other artist! How does this even become popular? Well for one, it's a fantastic song. If there was ever a song to be played in every single trailer for shit blowing up or something epic happening, then it was this song. This sounds just like a battle cry; Radioactive makes you feel radioactive. Treasure may be a treasure, Roar may be a boar, Cruise may be anything but, but Radioactive doesn't only feel radioactive, it feels so much more than that. I'm in so much shock and awe that this became as popular as it was. And in fact, it's still charting! At the time of this list, Radioactive is currently the second longest charting song on the hot 100 at 74 weeks and counting. I don't only love Radioactive for its concept and some facts behind it, I love Radioactive because it's a damn good song. Imagine Dragons were known as a decent indie rock band back in 2012. 2013 set them as the biggest band in the world. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if in 50 years they were one of the most recognizable music acts of all time. I'm not joking, they've picked up enough fame and I feel they can only get more popular from here on out. Hopefully their second album will be even better than Night Visions. Imagine Dragons feel it in their bones, and I feel it in my ears.
#6. Locked Out of Heaven By: Bruno Mars Year End Position # 11
Marry me, Bruno Mars. In 2013, my opinion of Bruno Mars changed so much. I used to despise the man after hearing The Lazy Song, but eventually he kept growing on me. Last year I put Young, Wild, and Free on the best list, on which he was a featured artist. Then this year; boom. He had 2 number one hits, this being one of them, that were really decent, and his 2nd album was fantastic. Usually the song that is number one between 2 years is either something that Rihanna's on or something that's really boring (like something Rihanna would be on). But, the people of America decided that in 2013, we should begin the year with one of the sexiest and funkiest songs in recent years. Locked Out of Heaven is amazing on all levels. It also has a lot of resemblance with another song that's on this list, One Direction's Best Song Ever. Both are mega hits about cock-blocking. One Direction has a huge hit about not getting to score and Bruno Mars has a huge hit of not getting to score as well. There's something charming about when men who can easily come off as douchebags don't get laid. But even more charming when they treat it like it's the end of the world for them. One Direction get to spend a wild night with all of their clothes on with a girl, and they treat it like it's their greatest night ever. Bruno Mars doesn't get laid and it locks him out of heaven. I don't think I need to explain what shutting the gates of heaven mean here, I think that speaks volumes for itself. Of course, Best Song Ever isn't the only thing that Locked Out of Heaven's similar to. Many, many people have criticized the song for sounding too similar to the police. But, y'know what? So what? It's just like Best Song Ever how it was criticized for sounding too much like Baba O'Riley. What's the problem with a song sampling or sounding like great music? Doesn't that make the music better if you already like what they sampled? In fact, people who complain about Best Song Ever sounding too much like The Who or Locked Out of Heaven for sounding too much like the Police shouldn't even be complaining if they like the Who or the Police. But I digress, Locked Out of Heaven is such a damn fantastic song, and I want Bruno Mars' shirt.
#5. Thrift Shop By: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Wanz Year End Position # 1
Back when I reviewed The Heist, all I said about Thrift Shop was that I loved it and I will definitely be talking about it in the future. Now, what I meant to do was have a comparison post between Thrift Shop and Macklemore's other big hit, but I never got to that. So, instead I'm going to vent all of my thoughts of this song here instead. But, when I said that I love Thrift Shop, I was actually lying. I don't love Thrift Shop, I NEEDED IT. We all needed Thrift Shop. My love for this song was much more than anything I could explain. Thrift Shop was the song that we needed for this year. And to see Thrift Shop becoming the biggest song of the year is just mind-blowing. This year, our biggest song wasn't Blurred Lines or Roar by Katy Perry or anything Rihanna made. No, it was Thrift Shop, and it deserved all of its fame. We have one of the most fun and enjoyable (and catchy) songs ever made that's about spending as little money as possible on clothes and denouncing designer outfits just for the brand name. I, like most people, was tired of rappers showing off their Reeboks, or their Michael Kors, or their Tom Ford, or their freshly skinned prime Walrus fur, or whatever it is they're showing off. Macklemore comes in seemingly out of nowhere (unless you're probably from Seattle) and makes a hit rap song of buying sheets for 99 cents and only having 20 bucks to spend, and this becomes the biggest song of the year!? Brilliant! Macklemore & Ryan Lewis are the people's artists. They became famous not only because people wanted to buy their songs, but because people love them. They are the defining breakthrough artists of this decade. Not Ke$ha, not Adele, not Gotye, or fun. or Bruno Mars, or any one of those people! Macklemore & Ryan Lewis will probably be around for a long time, and I cannot wait for their second album, whenever that comes. 2013 was the year that people recognized cliches of the past were old and tired and demanded something new. Kanye West's song, New Slaves, from his latest album, Yeezus, also has a similar message to Thrift Shop. But, New Slaves wasn't high charting and didn't have the forcible catchy nature that Thrift Shop perfected so flawlessly. And, for those people who think that this song is awful, why? How often in rap music do we have a song this much fun with a sax that saxual and a featured artist that smooth that becomes as big as this song? The last rap song to be the year end number 1 was Boom Boom Pow, if you even want to call that rap. And Boom Boom Pow is exactly what Thrift Shop is against. People who hate this song don't realize the whole appeal of it. It's FUN. Anybody can take social issues like materialism and wealth being shoved in other's faces and make it into some ballad or something boring. But, Ryan Lewis is a fantastic producer, and Macklemore is a fantastic rapper and their chemistry, along with Wanz, make this song so enjoyable. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis aren't just good artists who made a good song, they're enjoyable, and there weren't too many hit songs in 2013 that were as enjoyable as Thrift Shop was. And that's not all, because this is the first number 1 song in decades that was from an independently released label. That's just incredible. I remember reading this one story where a woman beat up her boyfriend because he sang Thrift Shop 25 times in a row. That goes to show just how catchy Thrift Shop really is. I hope that Thrift Shop lays down the law of pop music's future, and for one artist and one huge song in particular, that is already true.
#4. Get Lucky By: Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams & Nile Rodgers Year End Position # 14
Now, I want to make something clear. I'm having a really hard time deciding on if Get Lucky and my number 3 song should switch placements. Their both similar in ways, and I'm having a really hard time deciding between the two, so I'll unofficially consider my number 4 and 3 picks two 3.5 picks instead. But, wow, 14th biggest song of the year!? Best surprise ever. Not just Get Lucky, but everything Daft Punk were in 2013. Daft Punk has been one of my favorite groups ever since I first heard them. And in 2013, they suddenly announced that they were making a fourth album, which ended up becoming perhaps their best yet. My love for Daft Punk can't even be put in words. I'd probably put them up in my top 3 favorite artists of all time. And the thing about Get Lucky is that it isn't even the best song on the album! I already talked in depth about Random Access Memories and Get Lucky and how great they are. I can only hope that the wait for Daft Punk's 5th album won't be another 8 years, but I don't know if they'll ever have as great as a year 2013 was for them for a while. Daft Punk have been around for a while, but they never had that one big hit. Sure, they were popular. They stole the show in Tron Legacy, and have had a huge following for years now. But, 2013 broke them through the mainstream, as everyone knew about the two French robots. Everything about Get Lucky thrills me. I love Pharrell Williams, he's a man who can do no wrong. I love Nile Rodgers and how awesome his guitar work is here, and most importantly, I fucking love Daft Punk. Them getting to have a song that was number 2 for 5 straight weeks and winning every single Grammy that they were nominated for is perhaps the greatest event to happen in music since Gotye's Somebody that I Used to Know became the biggest song of 2012. I can only hope that Daft Punk become bigger and bigger and bigger until they're the biggest artists in the world. I just hope that someday, maybe someday soon, the duo will once again Get Lucky.
#3. Safe and Sound By: Capital Cities Year End Position # 29
Like I said, choosing between this and Get Lucky was a painful decision. They're both dance hits that you can dance to, and they're both from artists that I really like. I put Zedd on this list, but the other big song that he released in 2013, Stay The Night, I couldn't stand. Safe and Sound may be the only big hit that they had from their album, but I highly recommend giving it a listen to, at least once. I feel that my review of In A Tidal Wave of Mystery may be one of the few positive reviews that that album received. But, I'm not here to talk about how great that album was, I'm here to talk about how great Safe and Sound is. And greatness it achieves. What is there for me to say about Safe and Sound? I not only talked about it on my album review, but there's not too much to talk about how awesome it is. It's simply good music, through and through. Both Safe and Sound and Get Lucky leave me with a sense of amazement and leave me speechless. But, that's also because there's not too much to say. I could say how great this hook is, the trumpets, how much I want to dance, how true the message is, or how awesome Sebu Simonian's beard is. But, instead, I'll make this short, sweet, and to the point. Safe and Sound is an amazing song with 2 great vocalists, an awesome trumpet, and a great message of not worrying about our doom and just having fun with life. This was my favorite EDM song of the year, and it made EDM EDM, not EBM. I know that Capital Cities will be Safe and Sound in the future, and I hope it's a bright future for them.
#2. Royals By: Lorde Year End Position # 15
Yeah, Thrift Shop wasn't the only number 1 song that denounced cliches of the past. From here on out, my top 2 songs are both number 1 hits of 2013, and they deserved to be so. The number 1 songs of 2013 were all unique, as I've said before. Not too many were your standard "pop music" of years past. And here we have a song from a girl who was 16 when her debut single went straight to number 1 for 9 consecutive weeks, becoming the second longest number one song of 2013. And this is another song about being fed up with artists bragging about their fame and material worth and deciding to do something about it! And for Royals to be number 1 for that long is an anomaly in the charts. There's something charming about a song that's so catchy and yet anti-musical. Royals isn't supposed to be something that ruled the airplays, and yet it did for so long. And during that time, the song held off Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, and even Eminem for so long that she became a huge pop icon. Thrift Shop may be a good example of what sounds like a one hit wonder, but Royals is your anti-one hit wonder. It's pretty much anti-pop and anti-catchy. This is a song that someone sings in one of the old school bars that you see in movies all the time. It's grim, it's dark, and it's truthful. Most of us won't be royals, so why do we praise those who are? And in a year where we had Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez and especially Miley Cyrus fogging up our radio, Lorde and Ariana Grande prove that not all child stars make horrible music. Also, I can't recommend her album that this is from, Pure Heroine, enough. Seriously, listen to it, it's one of the best albums of last year. And since we're talking about the song, let me take a moment to explain that this is NOT FUCKING RACIST. Saying that Royals applies only to rap music and saying that rap music applies only to black people is racist in itself. Also, Lorde herself loves rap music. She loves Kanye West especially, and this is in no way shape or form a song that denounces rap music! Macklemore already did that with Same Love, so there you go (which is still not racist). Plus, in all ways, this is pretty much a rap song in disguise. In fact, I've heard this song more on the rap stations than the alternative stations where it was number 1 in that genre for several weeks. However, when I hear it on the rap stations, there's a stupid Rick Ross verse which really goes against the song's message and breaks up the flow of Royals a lot. But he's only in it for like half a minute, and then the station plays the rest of the song! But after all this, Royals isn't likable only because of what it presents. It's such a likable song, even though that's probably going against what the song represents. Lorde ruled the pop scene for months, and she's still making her way up the charts with her second hit, Team, now in the top 10. Lorde, our Queen B, and our savior from cliches of the past.
And Now, before I get to my number 1 pick, here's some hit songs that were great, but just missed the top 15. Honorable Mentions:
Carry On By: fun.
fun.'s a great band, and I like them together way more than I like it when Nate Ruess is on other people's songs. Carry On was too much of 2012's hit for me to put it on this list even though Die Young was on 2012's year end hot 100 and Carry On wasn't. Oh well.
Little Talks By: Of Monsters and Men
WHAT'S THIS!? You said that this would be the number 1 song of 2012 on that year's best of list. This is the most beautiful song that I've ever heard, it sends chills down my spine every time I hear it. It resonates with you and you feel every lyric! Yeah... I knew that Little Talks wouldn't make the list, because honestly it's in a way so good it's bad. It's a lot like Same Love to me. It's a great song. Damn great song. But, it's not necessarily something that I enjoy. I wouldn't listen to Little Talks or Same Love on repeat. Look, Little Talks is a great song, but there's a lot of factors that cause songs to be on my worst and best list, and Little Talks just didn't make the best list. It's still a beautiful song, though. On a side not, this has to be the coolest music video I've ever seen.
Counting Stars By: One Republic
I've never liked One Republic until Counting Stars. But, this song is obviously a 2014 hit, so we'll wait and see how it fairs in this year.
Wagon Wheel By: Darius Rucker
I wanted to put this song on the list for being an actual country song. Also, Darius Rucker's a really good country artist and is a lot better of a singer than the guy from Old Crow Medicine Show. It just so happens that the best country song of 2013 was a cover of a song from not too long ago.
Power Trip By: J. Cole feat. Miguel
This was released on Valentine's Day and is about a man fantasizing about killing this beautiful woman's husband/boyfriend and then taking her for his own... Dark.
Same Love By: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert
Like I said with Little Talks. It's a great song with a great message, but it isn't something that I would listen to more than a few times.
F**kin' Problems By: A$ap Rocky feat. Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar
Y'see, These guys like to fuck. In fact, they like it so much it's become their fucking problem. That's just genius. But honestly, if this song was from Kendrick Lamar and didn't have Drake, I would've probably put it on the list. It's also the only song I've ever liked by A$ap Rocky, so I'm glad that it was this one that got popular.
Applause By: Lady Gaga
If Do What U Want ended up on the hot 100 I would've put it pretty high up. Applause was probably the weakest of Lady Gaga's lead album singles, but it's still really enjoyable.
Sail By: Awolnation
How did this song even get popular in the first place? It's been charting for years, and is about being abducted by aliens.Aside from that, it's decent in its own really unique ways. But, wasn't enjoyable enough to make it on the list.
Wake Me Up! By: Avicii
The fact that Wake Me Up! became as popular as it was and not Levels by Avicii makes me really mad. I love Levels, but I also really like Wake Me Up! The only problem was how overplayed Wake Me Up! really was. But even if it wasn't overplayed, it probably wouldn't of made it on this list.
Mirrors By: Justin Timberlake
I really wanted to put this on the list, and I've already reviewed it. It's such a romantic song and it's orchestrated beautifully. I just happen to like Suit & Tie more, and Mirrors was eventually snubbed off of my list.
Blurred Lines By: Robin Thicke feat. T.I. & Pharrell Williams
Yes this song was overplayed as hell. Yes this song was controversial. Yes I don't think I'll gain any appreciation for putting this as an honorable mention. But, god dammit, I still love this song. But, I don't think it should've been number 1 for 12 weeks straight.
And the # 1 BEST song of the year goes to...
Wrecking Ball By: Miley Cyrus Year End Position # 18
Yeah, I'm just kidding...
The REAL #1 BEST Song of the year goes to...
Can't Hold Us By: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton Year End Position # 5
This is the greatest song of the year by far. This had to be the biggest deal of a song compared to all others. Miley Cyrus riding on a wrecking ball naked, Robin Thicke and company dancing in front of a bland wall, Lorde staring into the camera, all of those cannot compare to the biggest cultural revolution of the year. Same Love may've been a big cultural hit, but none were as big as Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' magnum opus. This song just astounds me. Thrift Shop should've prevented Macklemore & Ryan Lewis from ever having a hit again. But, it was from sheer force of good fucking music that Macklemore & Ryan Lewis triumphed over all of the rest. This was number 1 for 5 weeks, but I wouldn't mind if it would've been number 1 for 50 weeks. This is just a perfect song. All the way through, it pumps you up. The same piano chords may be repeated throughout the whole song, but the duo keep building up on it. Trumpets, drums, and just about everything else are brought into the fray. This is by far the best work Ryan Lewis has ever presented, and I don't know if he'll ever be able to outdo himself. Plus, there's Macklemore, who makes his claim as being the hottest rapper in the world. it wasn't Eminem, or Lil Wayne, or 2 Chainz who became the rappers of 2013. It was Macklemore who became the definitive rapper of not just 2013, but perhaps the 2010's. At the end of the year, Billboard also made their 100 biggest artists of the year list, and the winner was Bruno Mars. Now, I enjoy me some Bruno Mars, but make no mistake, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis dominated the year. No other act last year was as important as those two, and Can't Hold Us is a testament to their prowess. Not only that, but Ray Dalton is a fantastic singer too. Everything about Can't Hold Us is amazing, and it easily earns my number 1 spot.
2013 was an unusual year for music. But, there were still some great songs. But there were also a bunch of great albums. Join me next time when I count down my top 10 favorite albums.
Here I go again, this time counting down the top 10 worst hit songs of 2013. Now keep in mind that the following songs aren't just terrible; they're also incredibly popular. Some of the biggest songs of this past year (just like every year) are awful in just about every way possible, and sometimes it's hard to pick only 10 hits to rant about. However, I'm also not going to be placing songs on this list that appeared on my list last year. As much as I would love to put One More Night once again on this list, it had hardly anything to do with 2013 really, and I've already ranted about that trash enough already. The following 10 songs were relevant in 2013, not 2012, and deserve to be listed as such. It should also be noted that the worst that 2013 had to offer was very different from the worst of 2012. 2012's worst songs were usually loud and annoying, while most of the worst hits of 2013 were boring or straight up offensive. Sure, some might not make this list, but I'll be sure to list the honorable mentions; hits that were dreadful, but barely didn't make this list. Without wasting any more time, here are my picks for the worst hit songs of 2013!
#10. Get Your Shine On By: Florida Georgia Line Year End Position # 94
Country music went under a major change in 2013. For many fans of country, 2013 was the year of "bro-country" where artists basically made country-themed club hits. It was a huge success with Florida Georgia Line being at the forefront of the movement. I bring this up, because if you lived in America in 2013, this band was inescapable. Their smash hit, Cruise, was played on radio stations constantly and finished as the number 9 song of the year. Now, while I don't like Cruise that much, I discovered during my listening of the year end hot 100 this forgotten little jewel. Or should I call it a forgotten little turd. Look, I brought up that mini-country lesson for one reason; I hated "bro-country". The country stations were filled with fist-bumping tail-gating jerks who wanted to show you how unimpressive they really were. Sure there are artists like Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, and Miranda Lambert who had country hits in 2013 by making actual country music, it was this sub-genre of country that rose through the rest and demanded to be overplayed. Heck, there was this video posted not too long ago aptly titled "Why Country Music was Awful in 2013". Guess who appears in that video? Almost every relevant country artist today. If "bro-country" is one thing, it's unoriginal. You could tell exactly what would be said in the next verse; the signer would talk about how tight this girl's jeans are and how we wanted to pick her up in his beat up pick-up truck to go to their nearby watershed to gaze up at the stars and drink a beer or two. However, if I hated this so much, why'd I put Get Your Shine On at number 10 and not put Cruise? Well, Cruise has one thing going for it - it's absolutely stupid. To me, I'm fine with party jams that are incredibly stupid, which is why The Fox and Harlem Shake won't be on this list. Cruise also has Nelly featured, which works too because Nelly is just too ridiculous to not enjoy. Get Your Shine On only made it to number 10 here, because even though Tyler Hubbard's voice is really annoying and the music is just awful, it's more so my hatred for everything it represents that made me list it here. Don't worry, I'll get into the worst of "bro-country" later, but for now, I'm just glad no one will ever remember this piece of junk.
#9. I Love It By: Icona Pop feat. Charlie XCX Year End Position # 28
You love it? Well I sure don't. Icona Pop is a Swedish House duo that formed back in 2009, but didn't break through the mainstream until this past year. Unfortunately, their breakthrough in the mainstream meant that we had to listen to them in other places of the world. I know Icona Pop and especially this song have received a lot of praise worldwide, but I just don't see the rage. To me, I Love It represents the absolute worst of EDM. Y'see, the genres called EDM because it stands for Electronic Dance Music. To fail as an EDM song is to fail at one of its core elements, which is being freaking dance music. The only dance I can think of that's appropriate for I Love It is either the depressed sigh, the emotionless stop-what-your-doing-and-just-lie-there, or the Harlem Shake. This awful hook that's repeated ad infinitum isn't remotely interesting and doesn't make me want to get up and lose it. This makes me want to lie down and cry miserably. Also, this song is supposedly a "break-up song" but the only reason I'm sure their ex-boyfriends broke up with them is that they realized they were making such horrible music. Apparently the person they must've broken up with was stuck in the 70's while the singer is from the 90's. Ok, either they're dating people way older than them, or both of these people don't realize that their respective decades ended a long time ago. I Love It also has a lot in common with The Motto, in which they both seem to negatively influence culture. Doing something horrible that will probably get you arrested isn't easily backed up in court by shouting "I don't care, officer. I love it!" Oh, and one more thing. How the hell do you crash your car into a bridge!? That one line wouldn't be such a problem if 1. it wasn't repeated so many times and 2. is the line everyone remembers. Bridges I'm sure can't be "crashed into" often. I mean, what is there to crash into with a bridge? If you're a bridge over water, then trying to crash into it with a car won't work easily. It couldn't be that they were in a plane or a boat when they crashed their car into a bridge, because planes and boats aren't cars. If it's a bridge over a highway, that might be plausible. However, by doing that (several times mind you) you're endangering the lives of many people, and to just watch it burn wouldn't make sense since you'll probably be arrested by the cops by causing a major highway accident.
#8. Started From The Bottom By: Drake Year End Position # 32
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnggggg. This is perhaps the most repetitive song I've ever heard. Look, I thought it was common knowledge that you can only repeat the same words or phrase throughout an entire song if and only if you are part of Daft Punk. If not, then the end result might be something like this. Look, after listening to pop music for much of my life, I've definitely realized a few recurring truths. One of these truths is that the more you tell us that you're something, the more apparent it'll be that you're not that said something. This is ever so true with Drake. The more you tell us that you started from the bottom, the more we'll believe that obviously you're just trying to pull our legs. Drake, we all know where you started from. You started by acting in Degrassi at the age of 15. But I'm not going to spend the rest of this paragraph ranting about you not really having it rough, I'd rather just say that if anyone else but Drake made this song it would still fail. The main problem with Started From The Bottom is that it's a dreadfully boring and lazy song. No artist would be able to save this, not Drake or Lil Wayne or Eminem or Katy Perry or Freddie Mercury or Elvis Costello or Beethoven or Justin Timberlake or anyone. I'm surprised I've been able to write this much for something that's so boring, and that's what Started From The Bottom comes down to. It's a song that's so boring that it offends me with how monotonous it is.
#7. Come and Get It By: Selena Gomez Year End Position # 33
A big trend in 2013 pop music was that child stars had newfound fame. Miley Cyrus bounced back into relevancy, Ariana Grande had her first top 10 hit, and Selena Gomez released this. As you can clearly see, I'm not much of a fan. But what astounds me about Come and Get It is that three people wrote it (of course Selena Gomez is not one of them) and has some of the stupidest lyrics I've ever heard. I'm tired of pop artists using "It" to refer to their genitals. However, in this case I don't think "It" refers explicitly to someone's genital area, I think it more so refers to her strong affection with someone. If of course this strong affection is from someone who is a raging manic depressive, which is exactly how Selena Gomez comes off. Come and Get It is nothing more than a stupid child star's love song trying to become a sex jam, which in the process doesn't become either. The end product is just an annoying hit which, of course, ended up going to number 6 in the top 10. What a waste of effort.
#6. I Knew You Were Trouble. By: Taylor Swift Year End Position # 16
Oh, how we will never be able to take Taylor Swift seriously again. Taylor Swift is no longer a country artist, I think that much is obvious. She left her chosen field long ago. Not that there's anything wrong with switching up genres, hell one of my favorite bands is Ween and they're known to have switched genres on almost every album, but to be still marketed as everyone's cute country gal still to this day is misleading. If Taylor Swift ever created a time machine and went back to her 18 year old self when she was just getting recognized and wanted to scare herself from making music, all she would need to do is play this song. In one move she immediately became everything people had been calling her for years. Most of my friends all criticized her for making too many break up songs and having too many relationships, but I didn't think it was a huge problem. I felt that perhaps her heart may've been broken too many times, and if she wanted to write a hit song after hit song about her failed relationships, then fine. Why not? Until I Knew You Were Trouble was made and slapped everyone straight in the face. Look, there's just one slight very minor problem (obvious sarcasm) that I have with I Knew You Were Trouble. If you freaking knew he was trouble then WHY DID YOU DATE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!? It's just that part there, right there that sets me off. You make every break up and every relationship look like a merry walk in the park with that line. I Knew You Were Trouble makes me sincerely doubt you've ever had a major breakup or been around people who are going through major break-ups. This makes a break-up sound like just another one of Taylor Swift's fantasies, and it gets me angry. And what does it say about a song where a goat makes a cover and becomes just as popular as the actual song? For those who don't know, around the time that this song came out, some genius out there mashed up the chorus with a goat yelling. The result was hilarious, and made everyone question who was the better singer; the goat or Taylor Swift? I for one believe that goat deserves a Grammy. Taylor Swift; an artist who in one move, made everyone question themselves for ever buying into her music.
#5. Summertime Sadness By: Lana Del Rey & Cedric Gervais Year End Position # 45
Oh how EDM was huge in 2013. However, I should reiterate that it's not so much "EDM" but more so "EBM" which I like to think stands for electronic boring music. Summertime Sadness may have a horrible remix by Cedric Gervais, whom I've never heard of before. But, my hatred for this song isn't just from the terrible remix, but also from the original. Yes, I'm going to take a stab at Ms. Moaning Myrtle herself, Lana Del Rey. Now, I'm someone who's never liked Lana Del Rey since she's been out. Her music's too sad for me to get into for the most part, and strangely her voice is too powerful. That's usually something I would never complain about, but I get this sudden feeling that all of her songs are recorded in a deep dark cave. At least, that's what it sounds like. But, without listening to Ms. Del Rey constantly, I can say with certainty that Summertime Sadness is her worst song. Or should I call it Summertime Loudness, because that's what it sounds like? It tells the tale of two people who end up jumping off a cliff or something, but I'm too uninterested to wait and find out. Her voice is surprisingly the worst part of this song. Even as a non-Lana Del Rey fan, I can't help but be disappointed with how emotionless she sounds. She constantly takes the Miley Cyrus route and ends up going into chipmunk mode. Lana Del Rey, the woman who roared how she was born to die sounds almost as bad as Miley Cyrus on her own songs. Summertime Sadness has nothing to do with summertime, and it could've worked just as well being called Wintertime Wallows or Autumn Agony. Actually, those sound like pretty awesome names. However, obviously the original didn't chart highly until it was remixed by Cedric Gervais, thus causing Summertime Sadness to wind up into one of my least favorite genres of the past year, EBM. There were so many songs that were just about everything but dancing that somehow were made as EDM and wore off so quickly. Some other examples are just about everything Calvin Harris has made and just about everything David Guetta has made. I hate this kind of music and it's not that I hate EDM, just the lame attempts people make so often now in pop music. I originally wanted to fill this list with nothing but EDM and a few others, but I just had to pick a couple of the worst. So, it is without a doubt that Summertime Sadness should be crowned as the worst EDM song of the year, but far from the worst of the year.
#4. We Can't Stop By: Miley Cyrus Year End Position # 17
Uggghhhhh... Miley Cyrus was inescapable in the second half of 2013. How could someone go from practically irrelevant just a few years ago to becoming so controversial and widespread that even major news sites cover everything she does once again? 2013 was a big year for Miley Cyrus. Her performance at the VMA's shocked the world, she had her family's first number 1 hit, she also released We Can't Stop, an utterly unforgivable song about partying of course. Now, I wanna make something clear. Miley Cyrus may have a horrible singing voice, and that wailing she does at the end doesn't make this any more listenable or appealing for me, but she is not the reason I put this song so high on this list. No, the main driving force behind We Can't Stop is a man known commonly by the absurdly stupid name of Mike Will Made It. Mike Will Made It is a producer who's produced hits for several artists including: 2 Chainz, Ciara, Lil Wayne, Rihanna, and Miley Cyrus obviously. I bring up his existence for one main reason; he is by far my least favorite producer in pop music right now. Every song he makes has to have 2 major features in common: the music is absolutely awful, and the music is dreadfully boring. He knows how to make the right combination of terrible and boring music and incorporates it into just about everything he makes. He produced several hits this past year, not a single one I liked, and some that were very close to making this list. I for one like to call him the anti-Pharrell Williams, mainly because Pharrell Williams is famous for making actual fun music, and not this boring crap. We Can't Stop fails as a party song, because it's just not fun enough to be a party song, and it's also slightly depressing. The whole feeling of not being able to stop paints itself well for some crazed party addict who is social because they have to, and not to have fun. Also, the chosen artist makes this feel so unclean. This was originally a song to be made by Rihanna. Now, while that would've shocked no one and probably would've still made my worst list, it only comes off as more depressing being made by Miley Cyrus. I mean, this is a person who was once the Disney starlet Hannah Montana, who's now making a song which explicitly describes using drugs such as Molly and Cocaine. Wow do they grow up fast. Miley's return to fame has been shocking to most, and absolutely awful and unlistenable for the rest of us.
#3. Scream and Shout By: will.i.am feat. Britney Spears Year End Position # 23
Fuck you will.i.am. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you will.i.am. Fuck this song, fuck everything about you will.i.am. I'm sorry, I've refrained from swearing on here for a while, but I had to break that barrier sometime. will.i.am just pushed me over my limit. I hate everything about this fucking song, I hate everything it fucking represents, and I hate how an artist who I used to really like fucking sold out harder than anyone else in history. I'm not one to immediately call someone a sell out, and I think generally the phrase is overused. However, I know a sell out when I see one. It's impossible to go back and listen to the Black Eyed Peas knowing that one of them eventually turned into the monster known as will.i.am. will.i.am's had a surprisingly successful career after the second hiatus of the Black Eyed Peas. He teamed up with artists like Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj, and even Mick Jagger of all people. But what it comes down to is that will.i.am without the Black Eyed Peas is just will.i.am and it took me this long to realize how much I hated his music. I didn't like a single song he's released as a solo artist, and Scream and Shout is where I start to scream and shout. Not the way they want you to in the music video, but I'm screaming in pain and shouting in anger. If I wanted to listen to a good song about screaming and shouting then I'll go ahead and listen to some Tears for Fears. My main problem with Scream and Shout is that it is the epitome of what will.i.am is capable of making when he doesn't care. Luxury rap about how rich and famous he is and how I'll never be him? Sure. Add Britney Spears who adds nothing to the song? Why not? Have one of the worst beats I've ever heard, on the verge of being criminal with how shit-blastering it is. Add it on the top, it's just the average day of super-star will.i.am. I was set on making this my pick for the worst song of the year, but obviously two managed to snag the top 2 positions from will.i.am's paws. And for very good reasons.
#2. U.O.E.N.O. By: Rocko feat. Future & Rick Ross Year End Position # 87
If you know anything about this song, then you should know exactly why I put this so high on the list. U.O.E.N.O. is a song that makes my skin crawl with how much I hate it. This is the kind of music Satan would be too afraid to play on his ipod. And of course, it still made it onto the year end charts. Where to start... how about the very beginning, which has Future singing the hook. If you don't know who Future is, then consider yourself lucky. Future's a man who uses so much auto-tune, that it's nearly impossible to understand just what he's saying. Seriously, he does that in just about every song he's in and it's so annoying. But he's not why this song ranked so high. Rapper Rocko is apparently an up and coming rapper who does nothing to make himself sound different than every single other luxury rapper out there. But he's not the reason this song ranked so high. The music is... unlistenable. This has to be the least catchiest song I've ever heard. I don't even know how to describe it, but all I can say is that the music is just painful. But that's not the reason this song ranked so high. There's also the stupid name which is an acronym even worse that YOLO. UOENO stands for a slurred way of saying "You Don't Even Know It" which doesn't make sense, because they constantly tell me what I supposedly don't even know. Plus, this song is filled with so many luxury rap cliches. But that's not why this song ranked song high on the list. Then there's Rick Ross' verse, and oh boy do we have a controversial one here... Now, Rick Ross is a rapper who used to be a member of law enforcement (strange career change I know) and there's two particular lines in his verse that everyone's shitted on. They are as follows: "Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain't even know it. I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it." Now I want you to just sit there and think about it... What could Rick Ross possibly be referring to? For those who are unaware, Molly is a popular illegal drug, which Rick Ross admits to spiking a woman's champagne with and then taking her home to "enjoy that". What's even worse is that twice in this context "she ain't even know it". Now, I just want to say that I'm a man who doesn't always assume the worst, but does that sound like it could be anything else but rape? I'm not the only one to think this. Around the time that this song got popular, a petition was singed by over 70,000 people to have Reebok drop Rick Ross from being their sponsor. Ironically, because one of the first lines of Rick Ross' verse has him explaining that he'd die for his Reeboks. Also, a Rick Ross concert was canceled in protest that he "promotes rape culture" and on radio versions of this song, Rick Ross was dropped entirely and replaced with other rappers instead. Rick Ross has publicly apologized for his verse, but what doesn't change is that he wrote his verse, and he couldn't possible think to himself "Well I guess this can't backfire in anyway now could it?" He also said that the lines were not referring to rape, but your guess as to what he meant is as good as mine or anyone else's. But, Rick Ross' verse isn't even the worst part of the song. In fact, several times throughout the song all rappers talk about killing people. But, y'know what? That's not the worst part of this song. The worst part of U.O.E.N.O. is when all of these elements are put together. U.O.E.N.O. has all the elements of the worst song ever when put together, and it was very close to being chosen as my pick for the worst song of 2013. However, my pick for the worst song of 2013 isn't a luxury rap song, and it isn't an overproduced EDM song, and it isn't even something by Justin Bieber. But first, a few honorable mentions.
Honorable Mentions:
Let Her Go By: Passenger
This was originally going to be really high on the list. However, after much consideration I took it off the list entirely. Though I don't think Let Her Go is anything special, I ultimately figured that it's charting higher in 2014, and if I were to put it on a worst list I would put it on the worst list of its more relevant year.
The A Team By: Ed Sheeran
Definitely one of my least favorite songs of the past year musically. This song takes the subject of a dying prostitute and makes it sounds so damn juvenile. Also, when I hear The A Team, I expect some Mr. T; what a disappointment.
Pour It Up By: Rihanna
Mike Will Made It. I think that's all that needs to be said about this. Also, I'm really getting tired of Rihanna. I know that she has to have at least 3 songs to be on the year end charts every year, but it's getting old. I'm just glad that she didn't make We Can't Stop.
I Need Your Love & Sweet Nothing Both By Calvin Harris, former also feat. Ellie Goulding and the later feat. Florence Welch
I'm actually pretty surprised that none of these made the year end. I already ranted on my paragraph for Summertime Sadness how much I hate this kind of music, so I'll just say that these songs came really close to making the worst list.
I Will Wait By: Mumford and Sons
What's this? A folk jam thats made with real instruments that almost makes it to my worst list of all places? Yup. I honestly would've put this on the list instead of Get Your Shine On if it wasn't for the fact that I just can't pinpoint the exact reason why this song turns me off so much. Just consider it my pick for the "everyone raves about this song but I don't see the big deal" category.
Girl On Fire By: Alicia Keys feat. Nicki Minaj
Now here's a song that I should've put on the list. For one, I'm pretty sure this song only got popular because of the Hunger Games. There is nothing in Girl on Fire that warrants major popularity and it somehow has over 100 million views on YouTube. Also, I know that it's because of the Hunger Games that Girl on Fire became a hit. Now I don't have anything wrong with the Hunger Games, I just have yet to get into it. But, if this song was titled Brain Surgeon on Fire or Rock Climber on Fire or Mandarin Orange on Fire, it just wouldn't of become a hit. It's boring, Alicia Keys' voice is just too much, and the lyrics make no sense. Plus, Nicki Minaj has nothing to do with being here. Seriously, did she just lose her way into the wrong music video or something?
Stay By Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko
Boooooooooooooorrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggg. Honestly, this is the most boring song of the year.
Roar By Katy Perry
Also savagely boring. I consider this the most disappointing song of the year, because Katy Perry may've not been a great artist, but she could at least make a fun pop song. This song just fails on every level. Next!
Cruise By Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly
Look, if I would say anything bad about this song, I'd be saying the same thing everyone else has said. Nelly was the only saving grace from this bro country schlock for being just too ridiculous to not smile at.
Now without wasting any more time, let me finally present my pick for the worst song of the year. The number 1 absolute worst song of the year belongs to...
#1. That's My Kind Of Night By: Luke Bryan Year End Position # 78
Yup, my pick for the worst song of the year is one that didn't really cause any controversy. I didn't choose the offensively annoying EDM, the boring luxury rap, or anything else I put on the list (except for Get Your Shine On obviously). Nope, the song that I chose that was the absolute worst of the year was one that I'm sure most people didn't even hear unless you listen to a lot of country music. I didn't chose the poorly-recieved luxury rap song for the number 1 spot, no I felt that I needed to think long and hard as to what I think is the worst possible song of the year. To me, I put a song on the worst list not because of what other people think of it or the controversy it causes, but I put a song as the worst because there is nothing positive about it. Now, I don't like anything about U.O.E.N.O. and I doubt anyone else thinks it's a great song. However, U.O.E.N.O. at least makes me feel something. Though it might be hatred and anger, that's more than what I feel from That's My Kind Of Night. The reason I put Payphone as the worst song of 2012 wasn't very clear when I wrote it now that I think about it. I put Payphone as the worst because it was an utter void that sucked out all enjoyment I could ever have about music. I view That's My Kind Of Night the same way. There is nothing about this song that makes me feel anything. I feel like a pile of dirt after the song's over, and it is not all Luke Bryan's fault. The song was written by 3 people, none of whom were Luke Bryan. And honestly, I don't hate Luke Bryan. I actually enjoy Crash My Party (the song, I haven't listened to the album). That's My Kind Of Night is practically the sole reason why I can't listen to the country stations anymore. This is "bro country" at its worst. Does he talk about his girl and beer and his truck and hell, even catfish? All yes. Hell, the way he says catfish dinner rubs me the wrong way even worse than when Rihanna says "Shine Bright Like A Diamond". Also, who the hell owns a "diamond plate tailgate" or even brags about that? But at the end of the day, you know which one of these songs you'll be singing aloud to? Not Started From the Bottom or Summertime Sadness or I Love It, but this song. It's every kind of awful, to the point where other country artists hate it more than I do. Zac Brown of the Zac Brown band described the song as "the worst song I've ever heard". That about sums it up for me. That's My Kind Of Night might not be the absolute worst song I've ever heard, but is by far without a doubt my least favorite song of the year. A song where all emotion and feelings are replaced with douchebaggery. I'm hoping that "bro-country" dies off really soon so I can never hear this song played anywhere ever again. But there it is, the worst song of perhaps the worst sub-genre of 2013.
There you have it, the worst of the worst of 2013. A list filled with the most boring, stupid, and annoying hits of the past year. Honestly, I can see a huge change from my music tastes from the worst list for 2012. A year ago, a song would make the list easily if it had a dubstep breakdown or featured a horrible, horrible artist. Now in 2013 I saw a big change with my music tastes. For one, I decided to stop hating dubstep because I realized that there just aren't many pop hits that are dubstep and I couldn't really be a honest critic if all I lumped into the worst category was an entire genre of music. Now, of course there were plenty of songs that I hated this past year (as you can see above) but to me, 2013 was surprisingly a better year for music than 2012. Every year has its fair share of utter crap, but 2013 was the year of surprises to me. Soon I'll make my best list of the year, if there'll be anything to prove that I enjoyed this past year. Well, I hope you enjoyed this rant, and stay tuned for when I throw myself at the wolves with what I enjoyed in 2013.
