Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2013

  Here I go again, this time counting down the top 10 worst hit songs of 2013.  Now keep in mind that the following songs aren't just terrible; they're also incredibly popular. Some of the biggest songs of this past year (just like every year) are awful in just about every way possible, and sometimes it's hard to pick only 10 hits to rant about. However, I'm also not going to be placing songs on this list that appeared on my list last year.  As much as I would love to put One More Night once again on this list, it had hardly anything to do with 2013 really, and I've already ranted about that trash enough already.  The following 10 songs were relevant in 2013, not 2012, and deserve to be listed as such. It should also be noted that the worst that 2013 had to offer was very different from the worst of 2012. 2012's worst songs were usually loud and annoying, while most of the worst hits of 2013 were boring or straight up offensive. Sure, some might not make this list, but I'll be sure to list the honorable mentions; hits that were dreadful, but barely didn't make this list.  Without wasting any more time, here are my picks for the worst hit songs of 2013!

#10.  Get Your Shine On  By: Florida Georgia Line  Year End Position # 94

  Country music went under a major change in 2013.  For many fans of country, 2013 was the year of "bro-country" where artists basically made country-themed club hits.  It was a huge success with Florida Georgia Line being at the forefront of the movement.  I bring this up, because if you lived in America in 2013, this band was inescapable.  Their smash hit, Cruise, was played on radio stations constantly and finished as the number 9 song of the year.  Now, while I don't like Cruise that much, I discovered during my listening of the year end hot 100 this forgotten little jewel.  Or should I call it a forgotten little turd.  Look, I brought up that mini-country lesson for one reason; I hated "bro-country".  The country stations were filled with fist-bumping tail-gating jerks who wanted to show you how unimpressive they really were.  Sure there are artists like Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, and Miranda Lambert who had country hits in 2013 by making actual country music, it was this sub-genre of country that rose through the rest and demanded to be overplayed.   Heck, there was this video posted not too long ago aptly titled "Why Country Music was Awful in 2013".  Guess who appears in that video?  Almost every relevant country artist today.  If "bro-country" is one thing, it's unoriginal.  You could tell exactly what would be said in the next verse; the signer would talk about how tight this girl's jeans are and how we wanted to pick her up in his beat up pick-up truck to go to their nearby watershed to gaze up at the stars and drink a beer or two.  However, if I hated this so much, why'd I put Get Your Shine On at number 10 and not put Cruise?  Well, Cruise has one thing going for it - it's absolutely stupid.  To me, I'm fine with party jams that are incredibly stupid, which is why The Fox and Harlem Shake won't be on this list.  Cruise also has Nelly featured, which works too because Nelly is just too ridiculous to not enjoy.  Get Your Shine On only made it to number 10 here, because even though Tyler Hubbard's voice is really annoying and the music is just awful, it's more so my hatred for everything it represents that made me list it here.  Don't worry, I'll get into the worst of "bro-country" later, but for now, I'm just glad no one will ever remember this piece of junk.  

#9.  I Love It  By: Icona Pop feat. Charlie XCX  Year End Position # 28

  You love it?  Well I sure don't.  Icona Pop is a Swedish House duo that formed back in 2009, but didn't break through the mainstream until this past year.  Unfortunately, their breakthrough in the mainstream meant that we had to listen to them in other places of the world.  I know Icona Pop and especially this song have received a lot of praise worldwide, but I just don't see the rage.  To me, I Love It represents the absolute worst of EDM.  Y'see, the genres called EDM because it stands for Electronic Dance Music.  To fail as an EDM song is to fail at one of its core elements, which is being freaking dance music.  The only dance I can think of that's appropriate for I Love It is either the depressed sigh, the emotionless stop-what-your-doing-and-just-lie-there, or the Harlem Shake.  This awful hook that's repeated ad infinitum isn't remotely interesting and doesn't make me want to get up and lose it.  This makes me want to lie down and cry miserably.  Also, this song is supposedly a "break-up song" but the only reason I'm sure their ex-boyfriends broke up with them is that they realized they were making such horrible music.  Apparently the person they must've broken up with was stuck in the 70's while the singer is from the 90's.  Ok, either they're dating people way older than them, or both of these people don't realize that their respective decades ended a long time ago.  I Love It also has a lot in common with The Motto, in which they both seem to negatively influence culture.  Doing something horrible that will probably get you arrested isn't easily backed up in court by shouting "I don't care, officer.  I love it!"  Oh, and one more thing.  How the hell do you crash your car into a bridge!?  That one line wouldn't be such a problem if 1.  it wasn't repeated so many times and 2.  is the line everyone remembers.  Bridges I'm sure can't be "crashed into" often.  I mean, what is there to crash into with a bridge?  If you're a bridge over water, then trying to crash into it with a car won't work easily.  It couldn't be that they were in a plane or a boat when they crashed their car into a bridge, because planes and boats aren't cars.  If it's a bridge over a highway, that might be plausible.  However, by doing that (several times mind you) you're endangering the lives of many people, and to just watch it burn wouldn't make sense since you'll probably be arrested by the cops by causing a major highway accident.  

#8.  Started From The Bottom  By: Drake  Year End Position # 32

               

 Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnggggg.  This is perhaps the most repetitive song I've ever heard.  Look, I thought it was common knowledge that you can only repeat the same words or phrase throughout an entire song if and only if you are part of Daft Punk.  If not, then the end result might be something like this.  Look, after listening to pop music for much of my life, I've definitely realized a few recurring truths.  One of these truths is that the more you tell us that you're something, the more apparent it'll be that you're not that said something.  This is ever so true with Drake.  The more you tell us that you started from the bottom, the more we'll believe that obviously you're just trying to pull our legs.  Drake, we all know where you started from.  You started by acting in Degrassi at the age of 15.  But I'm not going to spend the rest of this paragraph ranting about you not really having it rough, I'd rather just say that if anyone else but Drake made this song it would still fail.  The main problem with Started From The Bottom is that it's a dreadfully boring and lazy song.  No artist would be able to save this, not Drake or Lil Wayne or Eminem or Katy Perry or Freddie Mercury or Elvis Costello or Beethoven or Justin Timberlake or anyone.  I'm surprised I've been able to write this much for something that's so boring, and that's what Started From The Bottom comes down to.  It's a song that's so boring that it offends me with how monotonous it is.

#7.  Come and Get It  By: Selena Gomez  Year End Position # 33

  A big trend in 2013 pop music was that child stars had newfound fame.  Miley Cyrus bounced back into relevancy, Ariana Grande had her first top 10 hit, and Selena Gomez released this.  As you can clearly see, I'm not much of a fan.  But what astounds me about Come and Get It is that three people wrote it (of course Selena Gomez is not one of them) and has some of the stupidest lyrics I've ever heard.  I'm tired of pop artists using "It" to refer to their genitals.  However, in this case I don't think "It" refers explicitly to someone's genital area, I think it more so refers to her strong affection with someone.  If of course this strong affection is from someone who is a raging manic depressive, which is exactly how Selena Gomez comes off.  Come and Get It is nothing more than a stupid child star's love song trying to become a sex jam, which in the process doesn't become either.  The end product is just an annoying hit which, of course, ended up going to number 6 in the top 10.  What a waste of effort.

#6.  I Knew You Were Trouble.  By: Taylor Swift  Year End Position # 16

  Oh, how we will never be able to take Taylor Swift seriously again.  Taylor Swift is no longer a country artist, I think that much is obvious.  She left her chosen field long ago.  Not that there's anything wrong with switching up genres, hell one of my favorite bands is Ween and they're known to have switched genres on almost every album, but to be still marketed as everyone's cute country gal still to this day is misleading.  If Taylor Swift ever created a time machine and went back to her 18 year old self when she was just getting recognized and wanted to scare herself from making music, all she would need to do is play this song.  In one move she immediately became everything people had been calling her for years.  Most of my friends all criticized her for making too many break up songs and having too many relationships, but I didn't think it was a huge problem.  I felt that perhaps her heart may've been broken too many times, and if she wanted to write a hit song after hit song about her failed relationships, then fine.  Why not?  Until I Knew You Were Trouble was made and slapped everyone straight in the face.  Look, there's just one slight very minor problem (obvious sarcasm) that I have with I Knew You Were Trouble.  If you freaking knew he was trouble then WHY DID YOU DATE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!?  It's just that part there, right there that sets me off.  You make every break up and every relationship look like a merry walk in the park with that line.  I Knew You Were Trouble makes me sincerely doubt you've ever had a major breakup or been around people who are going through major break-ups.  This makes a break-up sound like just another one of Taylor Swift's fantasies, and it gets me angry.  And what does it say about a song where a goat makes a cover and becomes just as popular as the actual song?  For those who don't know, around the time that this song came out, some genius out there mashed up the chorus with a goat yelling.  The result was hilarious, and made everyone question who was the better singer; the goat or Taylor Swift?  I for one believe that goat deserves a Grammy.  Taylor Swift; an artist who in one move, made everyone question themselves for ever buying into her music.

#5.  Summertime Sadness  By: Lana Del Rey & Cedric Gervais  Year End Position # 45

  Oh how EDM was huge in 2013.  However, I should reiterate that it's not so much "EDM" but more so "EBM" which I like to think stands for electronic boring music.  Summertime Sadness may have a horrible remix by Cedric Gervais, whom I've never heard of before.  But, my hatred for this song isn't just from the terrible remix, but also from the original.  Yes, I'm going to take a stab at Ms. Moaning Myrtle herself, Lana Del Rey.  Now, I'm someone who's never liked Lana Del Rey since she's been out.  Her music's too sad for me to get into for the most part, and strangely her voice is too powerful.  That's usually something I would never complain about, but I get this sudden feeling that all of her songs are recorded in a deep dark cave.  At least, that's what it sounds like.  But, without listening to Ms. Del Rey constantly, I can say with certainty that Summertime Sadness is her worst song.  Or should I call it Summertime Loudness, because that's what it sounds like?  It tells the tale of two people who end up jumping off a cliff or something, but I'm too uninterested to wait and find out.  Her voice is surprisingly the worst part of this song.  Even as a non-Lana Del Rey fan, I can't help but be disappointed with how emotionless she sounds.  She constantly takes the Miley Cyrus route and ends up going into chipmunk mode.  Lana Del Rey, the woman who roared how she was born to die sounds almost as bad as Miley Cyrus on her own songs.  Summertime Sadness has nothing to do with summertime, and it could've worked just as well being called Wintertime Wallows or Autumn Agony.  Actually, those sound like pretty awesome names.  However, obviously the original didn't chart highly until it was remixed by Cedric Gervais, thus causing Summertime Sadness to wind up into one of my least favorite genres of the past year, EBM.  There were so many songs that were just about everything but dancing that somehow were made as EDM and wore off so quickly.  Some other examples are just about everything Calvin Harris has made and just about everything David Guetta has made.  I hate this kind of music and it's not that I hate EDM, just the lame attempts people make so often now in pop music.  I originally wanted to fill this list with nothing but EDM and a few others, but I just had to pick a couple of the worst.  So, it is without a doubt that Summertime Sadness should be crowned as the worst EDM song of the year, but far from the worst of the year.

#4.  We Can't Stop  By: Miley Cyrus  Year End Position # 17

  Uggghhhhh...  Miley Cyrus was inescapable in the second half of 2013.  How could someone go from practically irrelevant just a few years ago to becoming so controversial and widespread that even major news sites cover everything she does once again?  2013 was a big year for Miley Cyrus.  Her performance at the VMA's shocked the world, she had her family's first number 1 hit, she also released We Can't Stop, an utterly unforgivable song about partying of course.  Now, I wanna make something clear.  Miley Cyrus may have a horrible singing voice, and that wailing she does at the end doesn't make this any more listenable or appealing for me, but she is not the reason I put this song so high on this list.  No, the main driving force behind We Can't Stop is a man known commonly by the absurdly stupid name of Mike Will Made It.  Mike Will Made It is a producer who's produced hits for several artists including: 2 Chainz, Ciara, Lil Wayne, Rihanna, and Miley Cyrus obviously.  I bring up his existence for one main reason; he is by far my least favorite producer in pop music right now.  Every song he makes has to have 2 major features in common: the music is absolutely awful, and the music is dreadfully boring.  He knows how to make the right combination of terrible and boring music and incorporates it into just about everything he makes.  He produced several hits this past year, not a single one I liked, and some that were very close to making this list.  I for one like to call him the anti-Pharrell Williams, mainly because Pharrell Williams is famous for making actual fun music, and not this boring crap.  We Can't Stop fails as a party song, because it's just not fun enough to be a party song, and it's also slightly depressing.  The whole feeling of not being able to stop paints itself well for some crazed party addict who is social because they have to, and not to have fun.  Also, the chosen artist makes this  feel so unclean.  This was originally a song to be made by Rihanna.  Now, while that would've shocked no one and probably would've still made my worst list, it only comes off as more depressing being made by Miley Cyrus.  I mean, this is a person who was once the Disney starlet Hannah Montana, who's now making a song which explicitly describes using drugs such as Molly and Cocaine.  Wow do they grow up fast.  Miley's return to fame has been shocking to most, and absolutely awful and unlistenable for the rest of us.

#3.  Scream and Shout  By: will.i.am feat. Britney Spears  Year End Position # 23

  Fuck you will.i.am.  Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you will.i.am.  Fuck this song, fuck everything about you will.i.am.  I'm sorry, I've refrained from swearing on here for a while, but I had to break that barrier sometime.  will.i.am just pushed me over my limit.  I hate everything about this fucking song, I hate everything it fucking represents, and I hate how an artist who I used to really like fucking sold out harder than anyone else in history.  I'm not one to immediately call someone a sell out, and I think generally the phrase is overused.  However, I know a sell out when I see one.  It's impossible to go back and listen to the Black Eyed Peas knowing that one of them eventually turned into the monster known as will.i.am.  will.i.am's had a surprisingly successful career after the second hiatus of the Black Eyed Peas.  He teamed up with artists like Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj, and even Mick Jagger of all people.  But what it comes down to is that will.i.am without the Black Eyed Peas is just will.i.am and it took me this long to realize how much I hated his music.  I didn't like a single song he's released as a solo artist, and Scream and Shout is where I start to scream and shout.  Not the way they want you to in the music video, but I'm screaming in pain and shouting in anger.  If I wanted to listen to a good song about screaming and shouting then I'll go ahead and listen to some Tears for Fears.  My main problem with Scream and Shout is that it is the epitome of what will.i.am is capable of making when he doesn't care.  Luxury rap about how rich and famous he is and how I'll never be him?  Sure.  Add Britney Spears who adds nothing to the song?  Why not?  Have one of the worst beats I've ever heard, on the verge of being criminal with how shit-blastering it is.  Add it on the top, it's just the average day of super-star will.i.am.  I was set on making this my pick for the worst song of the year, but obviously two managed to snag the top 2 positions from will.i.am's paws.  And for very good reasons.

#2.  U.O.E.N.O.  By: Rocko feat. Future & Rick Ross  Year End Position # 87

  If you know anything about this song, then you should know exactly why I put this so high on the list.  U.O.E.N.O. is a song that makes my skin crawl with how much I hate it.  This is the kind of music Satan would be too afraid to play on his ipod.  And of course, it still made it onto the year end charts.  Where to start... how about the very beginning, which has Future singing the hook.  If you don't know who Future is, then consider yourself lucky.  Future's a man who uses so much auto-tune, that it's nearly impossible to understand just what he's saying.  Seriously, he does that in just about every song he's in and it's so annoying.  But he's not why this song ranked so high.  Rapper Rocko is apparently an up and coming rapper who does nothing to make himself sound different than every single other luxury rapper out there.  But he's not the reason this song ranked so high.  The music is... unlistenable.  This has to be the least catchiest song I've ever heard.  I don't even know how to describe it, but all I can say is that the music is just painful.  But that's not the reason this song ranked so high.  There's also the stupid name which is an acronym even worse that YOLO.  UOENO stands for a slurred way of saying "You Don't Even Know It" which doesn't make sense, because they constantly tell me what I supposedly don't even know.  Plus, this song is filled with so many luxury rap cliches.  But that's not why this song ranked song high on the list.  Then there's Rick Ross' verse, and oh boy do we have a controversial one here...  Now, Rick Ross is a rapper who used to be a member of law enforcement (strange career change I know) and there's two particular lines in his verse that everyone's shitted on.  They are as follows:  "Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain't even know it.  I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it."  Now I want you to just sit there and think about it...  What could Rick Ross possibly be referring to?  For those who are unaware, Molly is a popular illegal drug, which Rick Ross admits to spiking a woman's champagne with and then taking her home to "enjoy that".  What's even worse is that twice in this context "she ain't even know it".  Now, I just want to say that I'm a man who doesn't always assume the worst, but does that sound like it could be anything else but rape?  I'm not the only one to think this.  Around the time that this song got popular, a petition was singed by over 70,000 people to have Reebok drop Rick Ross from being their sponsor.  Ironically, because one of the first lines of Rick Ross' verse has him explaining that he'd die for his Reeboks.  Also, a Rick Ross concert was canceled in protest that he "promotes rape culture" and on radio versions of this song, Rick Ross was dropped entirely and replaced with other rappers instead.  Rick Ross has publicly apologized for his verse, but what doesn't change is that he wrote his verse, and he couldn't possible think to himself "Well I guess this can't backfire in anyway now could it?"  He also said that the lines were not referring to rape, but your guess as to what he meant is as good as mine or anyone else's.  But, Rick Ross' verse isn't even the worst part of the song.  In fact, several times throughout the song all rappers talk about killing people.  But, y'know what?  That's not the worst part of this song.  The worst part of U.O.E.N.O. is when all of these elements are put together.  U.O.E.N.O. has all the elements of the worst song ever when put together, and it was very close to being chosen as my pick for the worst song of 2013.  However, my pick for the worst song of 2013 isn't a luxury rap song, and it isn't an overproduced EDM song, and it isn't even something by Justin Bieber.  But first, a few honorable mentions.

Honorable Mentions:

Let Her Go By: Passenger

  This was originally going to be really high on the list.  However, after much consideration I took it off the list entirely.  Though I don't think Let Her Go is anything special, I ultimately figured that it's charting higher in 2014, and if I were to put it on a worst list I would put it on the worst list of its more relevant year.

The A Team By: Ed Sheeran

  Definitely one of my least favorite songs of the past year musically.  This song takes the subject of a dying prostitute and makes it sounds so damn juvenile.  Also, when I hear The A Team, I expect some Mr. T; what a disappointment.

Pour It Up By: Rihanna

  Mike Will Made It.  I think that's all that needs to be said about this.  Also, I'm really getting tired of Rihanna.  I know that she has to have at least 3 songs to be on the year end charts every year, but it's getting old.  I'm just glad that she didn't make We Can't Stop.

I Need Your Love & Sweet Nothing Both By Calvin Harris, former also feat. Ellie Goulding and the later feat. Florence Welch

  I'm actually pretty surprised that none of these made the year end.  I already ranted on my paragraph for Summertime Sadness how much I hate this kind of music, so I'll just say that these songs came really close to making the worst list.

I Will Wait By: Mumford and Sons

  What's this?  A folk jam thats made with real instruments that almost makes it to my worst list of all places?  Yup.  I honestly would've put this on the list instead of Get Your Shine On if it wasn't for the fact that I just can't pinpoint the exact reason why this song turns me off so much.  Just consider it my pick for the "everyone raves about this song but I don't see the big deal" category.

Girl On Fire By: Alicia Keys feat. Nicki Minaj

  Now here's a song that I should've put on the list.  For one, I'm pretty sure this song only got popular because of the Hunger Games.  There is nothing in Girl on Fire that warrants major popularity and it somehow has over 100 million views on YouTube.  Also, I know that it's because of the Hunger Games that Girl on Fire became a hit.  Now I don't have anything wrong with the Hunger Games, I just have yet to get into it.  But, if this song was titled Brain Surgeon on Fire or Rock Climber on Fire or Mandarin Orange on Fire, it just wouldn't of become a hit.  It's boring, Alicia Keys' voice is just too much, and the lyrics make no sense.  Plus, Nicki Minaj has nothing to do with being here.  Seriously, did she just lose her way into the wrong music video or something?

Stay By Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko

 Boooooooooooooorrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggg.  Honestly, this is the most boring song of the year.

Roar By Katy Perry

  Also savagely boring.  I consider this the most disappointing song of the year, because Katy Perry may've not been a great artist, but she could at least make a fun pop song.  This song just fails on every level.  Next!

Cruise By Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly

  Look, if I would say anything bad about this song, I'd be saying the same thing everyone else has said.  Nelly was the only saving grace from this bro country schlock for being just too ridiculous to not smile at. 

Now without wasting any more time, let me finally present my pick for the worst song of the year.  The number 1 absolute worst song of the year belongs to...

#1.  That's My Kind Of Night  By: Luke Bryan  Year End Position # 78

  Yup, my pick for the worst song of the year is one that didn't really cause any controversy.  I didn't choose the offensively annoying EDM, the boring luxury rap, or anything else I put on the list (except for Get Your Shine On obviously).  Nope, the song that I chose that was the absolute worst of the year was one that I'm sure most people didn't even hear unless you listen to a lot of country music.  I didn't chose the poorly-recieved luxury rap song for the number 1 spot, no I felt that I needed to think long and hard as to what I think is the worst possible song of the year.  To me, I put a song on the worst list not because of what other people think of it or the controversy it causes, but I put a song as the worst because there is nothing positive about it.  Now, I don't like anything about U.O.E.N.O. and I doubt anyone else thinks it's a great song.  However, U.O.E.N.O. at least makes me feel something.  Though it might be hatred and anger, that's more than what I feel from That's My Kind Of Night.  The reason I put Payphone as the worst song of 2012 wasn't very clear when I wrote it now that I think about it.  I put Payphone as the worst because it was an utter void that sucked out all enjoyment I could ever have about music.  I view That's My Kind Of Night the same way.  There is nothing about this song that makes me feel anything.  I feel like a pile of dirt after the song's over, and it is not all Luke Bryan's fault.  The song was written by 3 people, none of whom were Luke Bryan.  And honestly, I don't hate Luke Bryan.  I actually enjoy Crash My Party (the song, I haven't listened to the album).  That's My Kind Of Night is practically the sole reason why I can't listen to the country stations anymore.  This is "bro country" at its worst.  Does he talk about his girl and beer and his truck and hell, even catfish?  All yes.  Hell, the way he says catfish dinner rubs me the wrong way even worse than when Rihanna says "Shine Bright Like A Diamond".  Also, who the hell owns a "diamond plate tailgate" or even brags about that?  But at the end of the day, you know which one of these songs you'll be singing aloud to?  Not Started From the Bottom or Summertime Sadness or I Love It, but this song.  It's every kind of awful, to the point where other country artists hate it more than I do.  Zac Brown of the Zac Brown band described the song as "the worst song I've ever heard".  That about sums it up for me.  That's My Kind Of Night might not be the absolute worst song I've ever heard, but is by far without a doubt my least favorite song of the year.  A song where all emotion and feelings are replaced with douchebaggery.  I'm hoping that "bro-country" dies off really soon so I can never hear this song played anywhere ever again.  But there it is, the worst song of perhaps the worst sub-genre of 2013.  

  There you have it, the worst of the worst of 2013.  A list filled with the most boring, stupid, and annoying hits of the past year.  Honestly, I can see a huge change from my music tastes from the worst list for 2012.  A year ago, a song would make the list easily if it had a dubstep breakdown or featured a horrible, horrible artist.  Now in 2013 I saw a big change with my music tastes.  For one, I decided to stop hating dubstep because I realized that there just aren't many pop hits that are dubstep and I couldn't really be a honest critic if all I lumped into the worst category was an entire genre of music.  Now, of course there were plenty of songs that I hated this past year (as you can see above) but to me, 2013 was surprisingly a better year for music than 2012.  Every year has its fair share of utter crap, but 2013 was the year of surprises to me.  Soon I'll make my best list of the year, if there'll be anything to prove that I enjoyed this past year.  Well, I hope you enjoyed this rant, and stay tuned for when I throw myself at the wolves with what I enjoyed in 2013.

Franz Ferdinand Album Review: Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action

  Kanye West once described the sound of Franz Ferdinand as "White Crunk Music".  I might as well pack my bags and go home because there's no better explanation for the music of the Scottish group, Franz Ferdinand.  The group released their first 3 albums in a span of 5 years, so it's no wonder that we haven't seen them in a while.  Well, all of a sudden, bam!  We have a new Franz Ferdinand album on our hands to enjoy.  Just hopefully it won't be another 4 years of waiting for the 5th studio album by the band, but I'm getting ahead of myself.  Alex Kapranos was quoted saying that he wanted to keep their new record on the down-low until after it's new release after what went through with their third album, Tonight: Franz Ferdinand.  Even though the band announced that they were working on a new album back in 2010, they didn't get around to announcing the title and the release date until May of 2013.  Now that Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action has been released, let's take a listen.

Track 1: Right Action
  Despite having the words "Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action" in the chorus of the opening track, only Right Action was deemed fit to be the title.  Perhaps Franz Ferdinand thought that it sounded stronger because if a friend asked what you were listening to and you replied back "Right Thoughts" or "Right Words", your friend could become perplexed and wonder if what they were listening to were the right thoughts or right words to listen to.  I'm probably just over thinking it, maybe Right Action fits more of a title because it seems cool, and cool is the perfect word to use to describe Right Action and Franz Ferdinand as a whole.  Honestly, if I had to describe the sound of the album, or heck, the sound of Franz Ferdinand, I'd say it's dance-punk-alternative-indie-rock-new wave-awesome sauce that's stuck somewhere between the 50's and 70's skipping the 80's for the most part and staying in the 90's and then skipping once more until 2004.  Why don't I just call it dance rock from now on?  If any song on Right Thoughts Right Words Right Action deserves that impressively long genre title it's... every song on the album.  My thoughts while listening to the record were, "How do I classify this" and, "Why am I so confused but yet so amazed?"  I could just say that about every song on the album.  As for just Right Action, here's what I have to say.  This is perfect.  Not just a perfect track on the album, the perfect song for just about anything.  You know the meme "Guile's theme goes with everything"?  I'm sure Right Action could go with just about anything, as long as it's physical.  It's such a physical song that it's nigh impossible to not get up and dance to this masterpiece.  It's also not too good and doesn't ruin the rest of the album for me by being the opening track the same that Holy Grail was too good for Magna Carta Holy Grail (though to be fair Holy Grail was one of the very few good songs on that album).  If this is the sound of a band coming back strong, then I can believe it and I am in awe.

Track 2: Evil Eye
  Evil Eye sounds exactly what would be on a soundtrack to an old school horror movie with all of the fake blood and gore and over-the-top death scenes.  Needless to say, the music video is beautiful for this.  Everything you would expect from a song called Evil Eye which sounds straight from the 60's is present in the music video.  Evil Eye is catchy, old school, and with each listen it just keeps getting better.

Track 3: Love Illumination
  Love Illumination should be a song that I would hate.  The lyrics are repetitive and mostly cliché's, there's very little change throughout, and the whole thing comes off as rushed to me at first.  However, I actually rather enjoy Love Illumination.  All of the factor's that would make this song normally one of the worst on the album instead add to the song's charm and even though the lyrics are the cheesiest on the album, it's still really hard to not dance along to it.  Fun, bold, and catchy, Love Illumination is another gem in Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action.

Track 4: Stand On The Horizon
  It should be apparent that Franz Ferdinand couldn't be more different than New Order if they tried.  How?  New Order almost never have the title of the song in the lyrics, which is the complete opposite of Franz Ferdinand.  Stand On The Horizon is no exception (except "stand" isn't in the song).  This doesn't make the songs of Franz Ferdinand any less likable, because I can appreciate the band for giving what you want and what you would expect.  Stand On The Horizon starts off as what would be a slow moving ballad and then suddenly everything is swept away with even more dance rock.  That's how several of the other songs are going to go: start slow and pay off.  Stand On The Horizon, like the rest of the album, doesn't disappoint.

Track 5: Fresh Strawberries
  Almost like Stand On The Horizon, Fresh Strawberries starts as what would be a slow moving ballad and ends up as more of a ballad for dance-rock if that's possible.  Comparing love to fruit is definitely not uncommon in music, but stating that you will inevitability rot away to obscurity is pretty deep.  Perhaps the theme here is that one day we will all be forgotten and as such we need to make everything matter in our lives or else we will have nothing to be remembered by.  Pretty deep Franz Ferdinand, I find this to be one of the more surprising tracks on the album.

Track 6: Bullet
  Ah, what a fitting title.  For a band who's not unfamiliar with pump-up rock songs, bullet fits with anything Franz Ferdinand has done in their repertoire perfectly.  When Alex Kapranos sings that he'll never get the person in question's "bullet" out of his mind, I feel the same way.  This however is not an actual bullet, but instead that in my mind bullet is Franz Ferdinand and how catchy their music can be.  Such a fun song from such a fun band.

Track 7: Treason! Animals.
  Well isn't that a song title.  Well to be honest, I have no idea what it's supposed to mean.  The only thing I can get from this is that Alex Kapranos is shouting that he's the king of the animals and that perhaps he's trying to prosecute someone for treason and wants the other animals to be on his side... I've got nothing.  There's too much going on here for me to make sense.  For a band like Franz Ferdinand who's best qualities aren't always their lyrics, perhaps I'm missing something here.  Anyway, the instrumentation is what truly shines here and is carried all the way to the end which I approve of.

Track 8: The Universe Expanded
  Here's where I think Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action changes completely.  For most of the rest of the album, the songs take an unpredictable space-themed change.  This is more apparent in The Universe Expanded as you can tell from the title that this will probably be other-worldly.  What I feel could be a metaphor for searching for others after a break-up seems to be muffled with too much longing over the past.  The Universe Expanded isn't a bad song, but it's probably the weakest song on the album, and seems like there could be so much more to it.

Track 9: Brief Encounters
  Carrying on with the space-theme from The Universe Expanded, Brief Encounters gives us an even-more other-worldly sounding song.  There's not too much more that I can explain from The Universe Expanded, however, between the two I much prefer Brief Encounters.  It seems that here is where Franz Ferdinand focused more on creating a space-themed track and it shows.  The instrumentation is done well here (as always) as well and the lyrics are more relatable this time to not just aliens but relationships too.

Track 10: Goodbye Lovers & Friends
  Gee, I hope that this isn't the goodbye of Franz Ferdinand.  What I do think is that this song is more of a person feeling paranoid and needing to leave constantly for fear that everyone will get him.  But, it's hard to feel to the character portrayed, as he's so picky of daily life.  Goodbye Lovers & Friends is a fitting end to a great album and really makes you think.

  They may not be back in their hay-day with their debut album and "Take Me Out", but Franz Ferdinand knows just how to stay fresh and keep making great music.  I will surely continue to be perplexed and amazed by their music for years to come and Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action is a fitting comeback from 4 years of waiting.  Everything  I love about Franz Ferdinand is present here.  The band is so catchy and so fun that it's hard to believe how anyone couldn't enjoy themselves as much as possible while listening to them.  Here's to the future, Franz Ferdinand.

Verdict:  Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action is dance-rock to its fullest and with every listen I like it even more.  Franz Ferdinand shines in what they do best and they bring all that they can offer in regards to musicianship on their newest album in 4 years.  Final Score: 9/10.

Kanye West and Jay-Z Album Review: Yeezus VS. Magna Carta Holy Grail

          

  Welcome back once again to King James and His Subjects, where we once again delve into the realm of rap.  This time we take a look at two artists who have well established their careers long ago and bring to us, the listeners, another reason to be praised.  One on side we have Kanye West's new bold take on music and producing, Yeezus, with its incredibly original album artwork and on the other we have Jay-Z's well received commercial success, Magna Carta Holy Grail.  For this album review I won't do what I usually do and review each song piece by piece.  Instead I'll quickly go through each song or most in order to contrast my final opinions against each other in order to decide which one of the albums I end up choosing as the best.  Why did I decide to review Kanye West and Jay-Z?  Well I don't know, maybe there could be some similarity between them?  (Sarcasm implied; I know that they've done like a billion songs together and an entire album and tour).  Let's not waste any more time and jump right in to Yeezus.

  Right off the bat, Yeezus begins with On Sight.  If there's one thing that you should know about this album is that there were a lot of producers.  How many producers?  Try more than 20 Producers which include Lupe Fiasco, Daft Punk, and even the legendary Rick Rubin who was allegedly pulled in to work on the album with just a few days before it was due.  The recording process was fast paced and even rushed.  Kanye West wanted originally 16 songs but settled on 10.  After all, he finished the lyrics and singing for some of the tracks just 2 days before the album was finished.  At times the album would seem almost done and at other times the album would be less than halfway completed.  Why am I saying this?  Because every song reflects the recording and producing process.  On Sight is very apparent at the start that this is an abrasive, edgy, and a hard to listen to album.  This works to the album's benefit for the most part actually, because Yeezus would only work if it was pulled off by someone like Kanye West.  If anything, Yeezus is a trip into the mind of Kanye West.  With every listen I feel I'm in a spaceship getting pulled in to the gravitational pull of Kanye West.  In fact, On Sight itself even comes off as what could be some robotic space battle (perhaps that's because On Sight is one of the songs that Daft Punk helped produce).  On Sight gives more glimpses of what is in store for the rest of the album as he at times randomly changes to smooth and sweet sounding samples in between his raging.  On Sight works as a great opening to an album because it demonstrates just about everything that the album has in store.

  On Sight doesn't last long and when it ends the next song abruptly comes on.  Track 2 is called Black Skinhead and is one of the loudest and angriest songs on the entire album.  Every line every word is spoken with such fury and rage that the listener feels like they're pinned up against the wall with Kanye West just looming over them ready to strike.  Strange as at some parts throughout Black Skinhead, Kanye says he keeps it "300 like the Romans" which doesn't apply to any historic battles but rather applies to the way that the Romans counted.  300 would be written as CCC to the Romans which Kanye uses to mean Cool, Calm, and Collected, which hardly sounds like anything to describe Kanye West; the man known for saying anything he wants any time he wants.  I know Kanye has extremely radical views on not just politics but life in general, but I won't get in the way with that or what he's saying with Black Skinhead, so instead I'll just move on as there's much more to go through.  Up next is I Am A God.  By the way, if you haven't found out yet, Kanye West is known as being one of the most arrogant rappers ever.  If there's any song to point this out it's well... you get the point and the message of the song is very clear.  Kanye West states that he's living the life of not just the luxurious, but the holy.  He's living large and enjoying it.  That's not the only part of this song.  I Am A God is perhaps the creepiest track on the album as the song is filled with random stops, abrupt sampling, and shrilling screams.  Funny story the first time I listened to this song I was in my basement getting ready for vacation and the song had just gotten to the screaming and I was getting pretty creeped out.  All of a sudden my dad jumped out of nowhere and made me spring back perhaps 10 feet.  That's what this album does, it shocks you, it appalls you, it makes you angry, and that is just what Kanye West is trying to do.

  The next song is New Slaves and is one of the stronger tracks on Yeezus.  New Slaves is yet another song where Kanye just lets out everything he has to say about everything really.  The titles go along very well with what the song is implying, which in New Slaves has to deal with how people keep spending more and more on just luxuries to show off how much they have and become new slaves to the companies that produce those luxuries.  Kanye himself does spend a lot on luxuries, however he always puts himself ahead of the game compared to how others are acting around him.  He's acting as if he's riling up an angry mob to take down every corporation dedicated to giving people the next big thing.  However, the best part of this song comes at the end where everything just breaks lose and it sounds amazing.  It's as if Kanye West has ascended into the sky above and has summoned a choir of angels to sing to him as he soars into the heavens.  New Slaves is one of the best songs on the album, mostly because of how satisfying the outro is after Kanye gives everything he has.  The next song is Hold My Liquor which is brooding for the most part and works well as a buildup from the rest of the album.

  The rest of the album works just as the rest of the beginning has.  More and more sampling, more of Kanye raging about what he believes in, more rough transitions, more of just about everything you can possibly fit into an album that's 40 minutes.  The rest of the album delves even more into the psyche of the man known as Kanye West.  Yeezus sounds like Kanye West' thoughts, as the name properly fits (Yeezy is an alias of Kanye West and he combines it with Jesus which I'll let you take that as you will).  There is one more track that I will talk about, and that is Bound 2, which is the very last track.  Bound 2 is an unusual song on a very unusual album.  In the background, the words "Bound to fall in love" and "Uh oh honey" are sampled and remixed constantly.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that 60% of the song is just those words over and over again.  The other 30% is Kanye West and the other 10% is a beautiful soul interlude from singer Charlie Wilson.  Bound 2 is one of the strangest but most likable songs in recent memory.  Everything in Bound 2 works to its benefit.  Excellent singing from Charlie Wilson, excellent use of sampling and editing, and bring Kanye in with it all and it turns into a masterpiece.  Bound 2 reminds you of everything that went on in Yeezus, just like On Sight worked to give you everything that will happen in Yeezus.  Bound 2 is a very strong end to a very strong album where hard work from many people really paid off.

  Up next is Jay-Z's newest entry into his Discography, Magna Carta Holy Grail.  Now, with an album that has a title like that, I'm pretty sure you could've called Yeezus the same name and it would've made more sense.  Sure Magna Carta Holy Grail may be one of the silliest names for an album this year, but surprisingly the album has nothing to do with old documents signed by Kings to limit their power or immortality.  I'm pretty sure that name was just given because it seemed to roll off the tongue.  Well, how does the album start then if it's by a man who doesn't have much left to prove to be that he's one of the greatest lyricists and poets of our time.  Well it starts off surprisingly with... Justin Timberlake.  Well that was unexpected.  Actually, not too much, because the two have been on tour this year and the opening song is the one that they open up their tour with.  The first track is Holy Grail, which is a fitting name, because this song is glorious!  I'm not even kidding, Holy Grail has been charting pretty well recently, and is one of the year's best songs so far.  It's a perfect opening to the album, which honestly... works to the album's disadvantage.  Both sing about the disadvantages of being famous.  Well, that's more true for Jay-Z who clearly states he can't get the paparazzi to get off his back when he's simply taking his daughter for a walk.  Justin Timberlake's verse is more about how cruel this woman that he speaks of is, which is strange knowing how romantic Justin Timberlake made his last album.  But hey, the combination of the two works amazingly and it's yet another song out of a few where you have both Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z.  Magna Carta Holy Grail starts off with such an epic masterpiece and then the rest of the album follows...

  Honestly, the rest of Magna Carta Holy Grail just seems to wane after Holy Grail.  To be perfectly honest, even though Magna Carta Holy Grail is much longer than Yeezus, there just isn't as much in it that elicits a response from me as much as Yeezus.  The second track is Picasso baby, and it's all about wanting even more than what you have.  Picasso baby is good enough, and then afterwards you have Tom Ford.  Tom Ford is a fashion designer, and it's another song about being rich and wearing fancy clothes and living in luxury.  In fact, a good chunk of Magna Carta Holy Grail can be summed up as it's Jay-Z doing the same thing he's done for so long.  The middle of the album is definitely the worst, as it dissolves into itself.  The middle of the album which is supposed to be the core of the album is almost completely passable.  The absolute worst song of the album is ****withmeyouknowigotit featuring Rick Ross.  It's not just Rick Ross is completely boring, it's also that Jay-Z is so much more capable of making something at least interesting and yet it is a colossal failure.  Nothing in this song does any more for me than perhaps bat an eyebrow in disdain.  It's utterly boring and makes you wonder why Jay-Z would do such a thing.

  Unfortunately, most of the middle of the album is just that, it's boring.  Saying that really is a pain, because Jay-Z has been many things, just never boring.  Some of the tracks aren't even a minute long, and others seem like they never happened.  Jay-Z seems to have been focusing on just doing what he knows best, which works well for some of the album, but the rest just falls flat on itself.  This was supposed to be an epic masterpiece hyped up so much through all of the Samsung advertisements that went on before the album's release, but it feels as through Magna Carta Holy Grail doesn't have any real strengths compared to so many other rap albums released this year.  Some songs on Magna Carta try to compare themselves to others, which often includes direct reference in the lyrics to other songs such as Smells Like Teen Spirit and Losing My Religion which comes off as really out of place and random.

  The strengths of the album include several songs like Part II and BBC.  However, Jay-Z isn't the only one on those tracks, especially BBC.  Not that other people are carrying the album when Jay-Z can't, it's just so refreshing to hear everything come together.  Magna Carta isn't a failure, it just is a disappointment, and in the end it surprises me how an album that's so much shorter than another can garner so much thought compared to the other.  Not much on Magna Carta is that notable to me and I feel like I can just skip more than half of the album when I listen to it.  However, the biggest strength of Magna Carta Holy Grail is by far the opening song which is an amazing track.

  Yeezus is where Kanye pulls out all the stops and creates something so harsh and brutal but yet satisfying.  There aren't too many albums out there that can spark so much anger, fear, regret, and content.  Not too many albums are released without the intention of having records with radio play and go gold, which surprises me.  Every time I listen to Yeezus I like it even more than the last time.  Magna Carta Holy Grail on the other hand falls so short of what it could be.  With so many disappointments in Magna Carta Holy Grail, it is only saved from being passable to me from a few very strong tracks.  Both albums come from two men who have earned my utmost respect and I do look forward to how they follow up in the future.  But, for now, I'm happy with what I've listened to even if I prefer one much over the other.

Verdict:  Yeezus is an amazing album that leaves me in wonder and awe with how much goes on, even if it is really hard to understand and listen to at times.  Every time I listen I enjoy it even more than the last and is a welcoming return for Kanye West since his last studio album.  Final Score: 8/10.
Magna Carta Holy Grail on the other hand is mostly disappointing with the exception of a few strong tracks and an amazing opening song.  Final Score: 6/10.

Jimmy Eat World Album Review: Damage

  Once again we take a look at another rock band, but this time we leave Fall Out Boy and enter the domain of Jimmy Eat World with their newest album; Damage.  Now I personally love Jimmy Eat World, so when I heard that Jimmy Eat World was coming out with another album, I immediately wondered what the album was going to be like.  Would Damage be much more like their old work and be edgier, or as fresh as say Futures or Invented?  Fans of Jimmy Eat World, young and old, fear not, for Damage is one of the best albums by the group and presents itself in a way that all Jimmy Eat World fans will enjoy.  With songs ranging from sweet and moving to bold and energetic, Damage is yet another great album by a great band.

Track 1: Appreciation
  Appreciation is the first track on the album, and it sounds like something that could've been straight from their last album or Chase This Light.  With Jim Adkins' vocals, Appreciation sounds almost arena-rock like and could be a big song to play live.  It's perfect for the entire audience to sing together with Adkins belting out how they build and they box and that they carry on.  The song brings such a, dare I say, appreciation for the future.  You might go through some heat breaks here and then. but you will go on and you will live your life.  Don't let yourself down; you have Jimmy Eat World.

Track 2: Damage
  Damage isn't just the best song on the album, it's one of the greatest songs by Jimmy Eat World.  Damage provides a very interesting and poignant question; are having high and unreasonable expectations for someone else damaging the both of you?  Is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting to become the best damaging your whole life?  Why are we living a lie where we keep damaging one another?  Well, I'm sure the song means something like that.  Even if Damage wasn't about anything, it just sounds so beautiful.  Beautiful would be one word to describe this album.  Damage as an album is full of pretty songs, but Damage as a song takes the rest of the album by storm.

Track 3: Lean
  Lean here is presented metaphorically, obviously.  It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.  It would be pretty funny, though, if Jim Adkins had to lean on somebody all the time, but that isn't the case.  Lean is like an alternative rock version of Lean On Me.  Once again, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.  Lean comes off as somewhat of an unfortunate tale as the story of this man who pleads for this person to trust him like he trusts them.  Try as he might, he is neglected, but you know what?  He keeps on trying.  Nice touch, Jimmy Eat World, not a bad song at all.

Track 4: Book Of Love
  Gee, ain't that a cheesy title?  So I went from reviewing a song on an album called The Game of Love to a Book Of Love.  Well Book Of Love may have a cheesy title, but the song itself doesn't come off as too cheesy.  Book Of Love is more like a ballad of someone's life.  Perhaps cataloged into a book?  Maybe the person described is a story character.  Honestly, Book Of Love is more ok.  However, it does set up the next song nicely.

Track 5: I Will Steal You Back
  Oh boy is this a good one.  I know I called Damage the best song on the album, but I Will Steal You Back comes at an extremely close second.  I Will Steal You Back is a perfectly energetic jam that seems fitting coming from a new album.  Obviously I Will Steal You Back is direct, however I feel as if the track has another meaning attached.  It's a calling card to the fans.  Fans who might've lost faith in Jimmy Eat World.  It's not like Jimmy Eat World went on a hiatus; their last album was in 2010, but any fan who left them before upon hearing this will immediately become enthralled with Jimmy Eat World once again.  It's an amazing song that never ceases its amazingness.  What more do I need to say other than amazing!

Track 6: Please Say No
  Please Say No is a slower song played on an acoustic guitar (mostly) accompanied by soft vocals.  Normally a song that starts this way would seem boring, or even worse one of those four chord songs that drunk party guys only know how to play to get laid.  However, I much prefer Please Say No over those songs any day.  There aren't too many songs like this where the lead singer says that we shouldn't be together.  That's something you rarely hear.  A sympathetic and down to earth ballad where the singer wants to stay away from the person.  There are songs like these that amaze me.  You hear so many love songs that are about everything love can offer, but rarely do you hear love songs where the people aren't in love.  Where the people hardly even look at each other as acquaintances.  Perhaps Please Say No could be about distance between two lovers, but I feel that the two people in question here have no connection at all.  Just that they know each other and don't want to be around one another.

Track 7: How'd You Have Me
  How'd You Have Me is a question I'm sure many people will ask after a break up.  "I'm too awesome, how did someone like you ever get to be with someone like me?"  Is what that sounds like.  However, Jimmy Eat World turns this around by saying how his ex got to have him, but he didn't get to have anything else in the world other than his ex.  "How did someone like you get me, but I in return was only able to get you?"  Is more what the song is about.  At the same time you make them seem like they got ripped off and you got ripped off at the same time.  Brilliant.

Track 8: No, Never
  The start of No, Never sounds like the entrance a final boss would have.  If that's the case, then No, Never is probably a final boss that is only moderately upset.  But let me just state that I'm not a huge fan of emo, which is strange because I love Jimmy Eat World.  Emo has always been looked down upon by being portrayed by ridiculous looking individuals whining incessantly about everything and all along becoming more and more punchable.  Why do I bring this up?  Because I wanted to bring up the point that Jimmy Eat World can be emo, and when they are, they aren't preachy whining kids dressed in all black trying to scream how bad they have it in life.  What Jimmy Eat World does so well is make emo tolerable and not absurdly pretentious.  This is best presented in Damage in the song No, Never, which sounds so close to the point where it could become whinny pretentious garbage, but strays far away from that path and brings a more listenable and enjoyable experience.

Track 9: Byebyelove
  Byebyelove is like an even softer version of Please Say No.  However, the title might be even cheesier than Book Of Love.  The chorus doesn't help that much, as it's mostly just a lame way to end a relationship.  Just by saying bye bye?  You did so well ending this relationship on previous songs, and it just seems like the odd one out on the album.  However, Jimmy Eat World does make up for it with a very powerful and moving bridge.  Though it doesn't change much, it stays consistent enough to bring everything together.  The bridge alone makes the song worth it for me.  But in the end, Byebyelove is just more or less ok compared to the rest of the songs on Damage.

Track 10: You Were Good
  You Were Good is just one of those harsh but real and straightforward titles that tells you everything you need to know about the rest of the song.  You Were Good works like an opposite of Good Riddance.  Instead of hoping that the one you've broken up with had the time of their life, you're saying I enjoyed our time together, but we just weren't going to work out in the end.  The times may've seemed like they were meant to last, we just didn't have anything that would make us last... You Were Good.  Fantastic ending to an album for a band that constantly earns my respect.  I love this song, I love this album, and I love Jimmy Eat World.

  Damage may not be the album that more hardcore fans of old Jimmy Eat World were expecting, but Damage does bring fans of Jimmy Eat World and alternative rock a satisfying album that'll last for a long time.  I can expect a lot of these songs to be played on alternative rock stations in the future and I'm sure that Damage will acquire quite a following.  Though at times Damage might've dragged on or even gone a bit too far, or maybe some songs should've gone even further, I really enjoyed this album.  Some parts are beautiful, some parts are melancholic.  However I can say that Jimmy Eat World did steal me back and I am once again glad to be listening to their awesome music.

Verdict:  Damage might not be the greatest Jimmy Eat World album, but I'm sure all fans of alternative rock and Jimmy Eat World will find something to fall in love with on this album.  Final Score: 8/10.

Capital Cities Album Review: In A Tidal Wave of Mystery

  Welcome back for another album review.  This time the album is not from an artist coming off a hiatus; instead this album is the very first for this artist.  Let me introduce Capital Cities, an act first formed in 2009 when one half of the duo, Ryan Merchant, met the other half, Sebu Simonian, on Craigslist.  Merchant was looking for someone to help him with production, and the two became partners instantly.  After a few years with experimenting in music and making music for commercials, the pair released their self-titled EP in June of 2011 on their own record label, Lazy Hooks.  A year later, the duo signed on with Capital Records in order to create their first album, In A Tidal Wave of Mystery, which came out on June 4th, 2013.  

  Before I start reviewing the album, I would just like to say that In A Tidal Wave of Mystery has to have the coolest album artwork of any album that I'm going to review this year, or in that matter, any album I may ever review.  I mean, just look at it!  A flying yellow whale, Planet-sized Walrus,  astronaut tiger, one hip white elephant, and a hidden octopus all taking place in space has to be one of the coolest selections for album artwork I've ever seen.  The artwork was created by João Lauro Fonte, a Brazilian artist who you should definitely check out.  He made other artwork for Capital Cities, and is fantastic and very underrated.  Seriously, check him out, his artwork is awesome.  But without waiting any longer, here's what I think of the album.

Track 1: Safe and Sound

  Safe and Sound is the band's biggest hit yet.  Hitting number 1 in Germany, and since its inception into the Hot 100 it's only risen higher and higher.  This doesn't make me surprised as Safe and Sound is a fantastic way to start off the album, and it is by far the best track on the album.  Safe and Sound went through about 10 different forms until it was finished, and Merchant describes the addition of a trumpet as "one of our best decisions on the song."  Safe and Sound is amazingly catchy and a fantastic dance jam.  Interesting to note that through both videos released by the band for Safe and Sound, that Safe and Sound is sort of an "anti-doomsday song in some ways - expressing the idea that every generation thinks that the end of the world is right around the corner, but it never comes to pass" as described by Merchant.  We all think that the world is going to end, but that never happens and we're all safe and sound and should just dance is pretty much the meaning behind Safe and Sound.  It's also one of the few songs on the album with an actual meaning, but that's not a bad thing.  The trumpet is the real show stealer with Safe and Sound, and as we'll see later, the trumpet gets even funkier and there will be many more instances to dance to.  Safe and Sound is pure pop brilliance.

Track 2: Patience Gets Us Nowhere Fast

  A very eclectic feel surrounds Patience Gets Us Nowhere Fast as you realize the meaning behind Patience.  It's pretty obvious, Patience tells the listener that you shouldn't just sit around waiting for something to come to you, go out there and make something for yourself!  That may be one of the most common messages in songs, but it's a good lesson, and it works well.  Capital Cities weren't patient, because they went out there and they made a name for themselves and brought themselves up to making their first album.  It's a good lesson and a good song, however it just kind've ends at the end.  The opening and the chorus are catchy, albeit not as catchy as Safe and Sound, but sufficient enough for Patience.

Track 3: Kangaroo Court

  Kangaroo Court is the second single released by the band after Safe and Sound, and I can see why.  There's a nice feel to the song, and it's another dance jam.  However, Kangaroo Court has another time-old cliché; the describing a wild party by stating how everyone is acting like an animal.  However, as much as I am tired of this cliché, there are still songs that I like that are literally called Animal, and I'm thankful that Capital Cities takes this a step farther; by literally describing what animal everyone is acting like.  That animal is a... kangaroo, in fact, this wild party has turned into a wild kangaroo court party.  That sounds pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  It's nice to see someone once in a while take a spin on an overdone cliché.  Plus, there's even more trumpet action, which is always a plus.

Track 4: I Sold My Bed, But Not My Stereo

  What an interesting title and I will say that this opening is fantastic.  It gets you into the perfect mood for the rest of this song.  It also gives a perfect example of how well Capital Cities is with sound mixing.  As for the rest of I Sold, it has a very witty and clever meaning that obviously states that Capital Cities would rather give up what would normally be a necessity to keep their spirit of music alive.  Also, I feel that I Sold details a story of perhaps one of the band members scoring a hot date and when they bring them home they come to the shock that there's no bed and this is how they defend their actions.  A very funny and witty song, I Sold is perfect to listen to when you want to start blaring out music as you sleep on your floor. Oh, and there's more trumpet action.

Track 5: Center Stage

  No, this isn't a reference to the Neil Peart documentary, instead Center Stage is  a feel good song about finally living in the life.  It's about seizing the moment for your own hands and making the most out of being onstage.  Center Stage isn't just restricted about being on the Stage, it's more about being positive about everything you do, sort've like Patience Gets Us Nowhere Fast.  One of the more ok songs on the albums, but it still succeeds at what it tries to do, and that is give us some more Capital Cities.

Track 6: Farrah Fawcett Hair featuring André 3000 & Shemika Secrest and narrated by Frank Tavares

  Well this is a unique one.  I don't think I've heard anything like this in a while.  Let me just say right now that Farrah Fawcett hair doesn't really mean anything.  In fact, it's pretty much just Capital Cities just showing off what they can do with sound mixing, and what can they do?  Make a pretty good song as far as I'm concerned.  With all of the voices going in and out of the song with people just talking about what they like, it's pretty interesting, but it doesn't really mean much in the end.  Like I just said, Farrah Fawcett hair doesn't really mean anything, it's just a cool song with a lot of sound mixing.  André 3000 also has a verse, and it's really nice to see him back again.  Regarding the song and André 3000, Merchant had this to say, "We went into it with absolutely no rules. We tried to make it the most ridiculous song we possibly could. We had this middle section of the song and we wanted to get one of the most undeniably good rappers on there. We immediately thought of André 3000. I think it appealed to him because of its quirky sensibility."  What's interesting about André's verse is that it's once again just a list of things that he likes.  That's what this song comes down to, a list of what people like, and for that I would like to add Farrah Fawcett Hair to the list of things that I like.

Track 7: Chartreuse

  Color everywhere!  As the song practically explains.  Color me, color you, color as much as you can, color anything!  I honestly don't even know if there's any other meaning to Chartreuse.  Chartreuse is pretty much a fun song that I imagine Capital Cities recorded while painting.  Chartreuse is more or less ok, but it gives even more trumpet action and that makes me happy.

Track 8: Origami

  Origami presents itself as a more romantic track on the album, where the lyrics "I stole your diamonds and gold, what are you going to do?" probably refers to either Merchant or Simonian entering the life of whoever they're with.  As for why there's random times where the word "Origami" is shouted, I honestly have no idea.  I'm pretty sure that it works a lot more than shouting "Passtraammii" or something like that.  Origami may leave me a bit uncertain, but with as much trumpet action that I'm getting I am as pleased as I can be with this song.

Track 9: Lazy Lies

  At first thought, it sounds like something the beach boys would make if they used a lot more synths.  Lazy Lies sounds a lot like a 2 man version of a beach boys single with more synths.  The synths are very pretty and create a nice atmosphere for the song to build itself around, but it never really does that. Lazy Lies just kind've ends the way it starts without amounting much and is more or less a segue to the rest of the album.

Track 10: Tell Me How To Live

  Tell Me How To Live at the beginning sounds exactly like Another Brick In The Wall Part 1/ The Happiest Days of Our Lives by Pink Floyd.  In fact, if I had to describe Tell Me How To Live it would be a funk-pop-electric version of Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall's bass line.  Tell Me How To Live is an ironic title as the chorus exclaims "Ain't nobody gonna tell me how to live."  Obviously Tell Me How To Live is exclaiming "I do what I want!" in a non-threatening way and I love it.  One of the more funkier songs on the album and a great way to express your self-freedom, Tell Me How To Live is catchy, enjoyable, and funky.

Track 11: Chasing You featuring Soseh

  Chasing You starts off as what an 80's arcade game would sound like when you thrust another quarter in to get an extra set of lives.  Chasing You sounds like what would be a stalker fantasy, but in the song the pursuer wanders into the person he's chasing and has no idea what to do when he does confront her.  Also, Soseh has a beautiful voice and tells him straight up that she's running too, but not away from the Capital Cities, no, quite the opposite really.  In fact, Chasing You is a story of two people chasing each other until they find one another.  Chasing You reminds me a lot of the movie Amélie, where both Amélie and Nino are looking for each other and when they do find each other they just don't know what to do.  Chasing You is one of the few tracks on In A Tidal Wave of Mystery that details a story and I'd like to see what more story-telling Capital Cities can bring us in the future.

Track 12: Love Away

  Love Away is a pretty upbeat song on a pretty upbeat album.  Love Away is a romantic version of Safe and Sound to put it bluntly.  Love Away is also taking a look at past upsets and ignoring them to embrace what you have now and in the future.  Love Away is an ok end to a pretty decent album.

  In A Tidal Wave of Mystery is the very first album for Capital Cities, and as such, does what an artist's first album should accomplish.  That is getting the listener prepared for what the artist will bring in the future, and with that being said, I really enjoyed In A Tidal Wave of Mystery.  Here's to the future, Capital Cities, and to you too, Lauro Fonte, because if it wasn't for Capital Cities, I wouldn't have been introduced to your amazing artwork.  In A Tidal Wave of Mystery succeeds at both being enjoyable and preparing the listener for the future of their work.  Here's to a bright future, Capital Cities!

Verdict:  In A Tidal Wave of Mystery is fun, memorable, upbeat, retro even, and is a nice taste of what is hopefully yet to come from the duo of Ryan Merchant and Sebu Simonian that is Capital Cities.  Final Score: 7/10.

Daft Punk Album Review: Random Access Memories

  King James here once again with an album from an artist whose coming off a hiatus.  This time it's not the pop star Justin Timberlake or the punk rock group Fall Out Boy, but the robot rockin' duo all the way from France; Daft Punk.  Random Access Memories is the first album from Daft Punk in 8 years, and has been received with perhaps the warmest of welcomes.  The album debuted at number 1 on Billboard's top 200; a first for the group.  The album's lead single has entered the top 5 on Billboard's hot 100 and debuted in the top 20, another first for the duo.  So far, Random Access Memories has become the second most successful album in 2013, right behind Justin Timberlake's The 20/20 Experience.  Random Access Memories, just like all of the other Daft Punk albums, brings a whole different sound for the group.  This time there is very little sampling, many different featured guests, and is a throwback to the late 70's early 80's disco and funk mixed with futuristic sounds and even classical music.  I myself had high hopes for this album.  Daft Punk is one of my favorite artists of all time and I wanted to see if they could even outdo themselves with Discovery; one of my favorite albums of all time.  So what do I think of Random Access Memories?  Let's take a look at each track first.

Track 1: Give Life Back To Music

  Wow...  All I can say is wow.  This is how you open up an album.  In my Ke$ha Warrior review, I stated that an album should open in a way that will get you interested in listening to the rest of the album.  Give Life Back To Music doesn't just do that; Give Life Back To Music exceeds that.  Give Life Back To Music exceeds all expectations when it comes to opening an album.  Right at the start, the album starts with a bang as Give Life Back To Music kicks itself into gear.  After being blasted by concentrated awesomeness in music form, the song then chills with an awesome 70's style riff.  Random Access Memories was heavily inspired by disco and disco rock, and boy, does Give Life Back To Music show.  Give Life Back To Music is amazing and one of the best songs on the album, gives a fresh taste to what is to come for the rest of the songs, and is perfect with how you start off an album.

Track 2: The Game of Love

  With as big of an opening as Give Life Back To Music was, The Game of Love is surprisingly slow.  In fact, it's probably the slowest song on the album.  Nothing really wrong with that, though, as I do enjoy a lot of slow songs, and The Game of Love is very enjoyable.  What I though was going to be a romanticized 70's disco funk version of a kung fu movie theme song ended up being a robotic and moving ballad of a love long lost.  It sounds just like a robot bar filled with all of the depressed droids drowning their sorrows in oil longing over their hard drives leaving them for a stronger cpu.  I have honestly no idea what that's supposed to mean, but as strange and out of place as it might be, it's surprisingly a nice relaxing and meaningful song.  Here is where the album's title seems to make sense. Random Access Memories is obviously a play on words of RAM, or random access memory for computer data storage.  However, memories may make sense for the title, because if any song on he album can bring up as many futuristic robotic memories then it's The Game of Love.

Track 3: Giorgio by Moroder

  The longest track on the album, Giorgio by Moroder starts off unlike any other Daft Punk song.  With somebody actually talking.  Who is talking and telling their musical life story in the beginning?  Why that's Giorgio Moroder himself!  Who is Giorgio Moroder?  Giorgio Moroder is a producer, songwriter, and song performer who's collaborated with many famous artists.  In the beginning of Giorgio by Moroder, Giorgio is telling his life story of how he got into the kind of music he wanted to make.  He also states that he wanted to "do an album with the sound of the 50's, the sound of the 60's, of the 70's, and then have a sound of the future."  Daft Punk brings his wishes to life with this 9 minute epic.  Daft Punk brings forth a futuristic sounding disco and funk clash which also sets the stage for the rest of the album.  If you're like Giorgio Moroder himself, then this song, and this album is what you've been waiting for.  Giorgio by Moroder is one of the best tracks on the album.

Track 4: Within

  Within starts off as a piano ballad which is an interesting find on an electro disco funk album.  Also, the chord progression somehow reminds me of 3 Doors Down's Here Without You.  That's what Within feels like to me, a robot playing the piano to Here Without You.  Fortunately, Within isn't without meaning.  Within tells the sorrow tale of a robot or someone looking into their past and themselves and all of that which they never did.  I have mixed feelings about Within and even though I don't mind it, it leaves an odd taste.

Track 5: Instant Crush featuring Julian Casablancas

  Instant Crush is the first track on the album to have a featured artist, and it's Julian Casablancas from The Strokes.  I expected Instant Crush to be an over-the-top song from having seen Julian Casablancas team up with The Lonely Island for Boombox, and I was surprised.  Instant Crush presents Julian's voice as more robotic, as many voices on the album are, but works well.  The opening may start off like many other 3 chord intros, but really builds up to a chorus that leaves a brilliant lasting impression.  It's also a song that has meaning and is something you can dance to.  How often is it when an artist decides they have something to say by making excessively loud and over the top electro and heavy bass music. Honestly, I'm rather pleased that Instant Crush takes itself seriously and isn't over the top.  It's like watching someone's life go by in which you can move to the beat of.  I'm really impressed and Instant Crush is one of the more powerful songs on the album.

Track 6: Lose Yourself To Dance featuring Pharrell Williams 

  Ahh Pharrell Williams.  It's so nice to see a man get so involved back into music, and it seems like he keeps popping up on my reviews.  First on my RDGLDGRN post, and now on a Daft Punk review.  As for Lose Yourself To Dance, I have similar views on this as Instant Crush.  While Instant Crush may be a bit more story-driven, Lose Yourself To Dance is funky, catchy, and demands you to well, Lose Yourself To Dance.  I'm just shocked that there's an EDM song that you can actually dance to, not have violent seizures to.  Sure it might be repetitive, but who cares?  It's funky and anyone can get down to it.

Track 7: Touch featuring Paul Williams

  Touch is where you can get a perfect introduction to the magic of Daft Punk.  The song starts off with a bizarre synth intro with Paul Williams' voice being mixed underwater as it sounds.  This video continues for about 2 minutes until Paul Williams' voice becomes more clear.  The ambience in the song fits well with his voice until the music starts to pick up until about 3 and a half minutes in when perhaps the best transition in the album and in recent memory happens.  The soothing trumpets, the jamming piano, the beating drums, all coexist perfectly to bring out the best in the song.  That's not all, in fact the song's not even halfway over.  A choir of angelic robots come to join the jam by singing "If love is the answer you're home."  Just listen as Touch conveys an unbelievable story filled with a beautiful sense of atmosphere almost entirely with music and occasionally Paul Williams' singing.  The song ends with Paul Williams joining back in the fray as you realize how moving this song is.  Touch is a good contender for my favorite song on the album and favorite Daft Punk song,, and never ceases to amaze.  Absolutely beautiful.

Track 8: Get Lucky featuring Pharrell Williams & Nile Rodgers

  Get Lucky is Daft Punk's first song to place in the top 5 of Billboard's hot 100.  I cannot agree anymore.  Get Lucky is amazing.  A few months ago, Daft Punk released a 10 second clip of an upcoming song (which was Get Lucky of course) for their upcoming album after singing with Columbia records.  I remember listening to that clip for hours, it was so catchy.  That's what describes this song, catchy.  Not just catchy, as Pharrell does some of his best singing yet, and with Nile Rodgers playing that smooth guitar riff throughout the song makes this song even better.  As for the meaning, it's pretty obvious.  Being up all night in the hopes of getting some... action if you know what I mean.  Also, it's another example of an EDM song that you can dance to.  Thank you, Gods of robotic jams, Daft Punk for giving the world this song.

Track 9: Beyond

  Beyond is just one of those titles that is an adjective that you can describe Daft Punk to a group of friends who have never heard of Daft Punk or EDM for that matter.  "Check them out, man, Daft Punk is the most Beyond group out there."  Aside from the fitting title, Beyond is another laid back disco and electro song on the album.  That's definitely not a problem, as I'd take this over most of Calvin Harris' ideals of blaring whatever you're trying to convey as loud as possible and remove all silent moments.  Beyond is a really cool song that doesn't change much, but doesn't need to.  It's fine the way it is.

Track 10: Motherboard

  Here I feel like I'm reviewing Justin Timberlake again.  This sounds very much like something he would do if Justin Timberlake was a robot of course.  It's laid back, smooth, and obviously disco inspired, much like the rest of the album, but that just makes me like Motherboard and Random Access Memories in general even more.  This song goes on for so long, but I can't have enough.  If Daft Punk made this song even 10 more minutes, I'd still listen to it and be impressed, I'm in love with the whole sound of this song and the album for that matter that much.  However, at about 3 minutes in the song shifts gears a little with what sounds like the track being haunted as it goes underwater.  Creepy.  Then all of a sudden the robot heavens open up and bring us back some more awesome electronic riffs mixed with some of what was just heard.  Motherboard stays mostly unchanged throughout the song, but still manages to evolve and continually sound refreshing which is amazing.

Track 11: Fragments of Time featuring Todd Edwards

  Wow, Todd Edwards really brings it to this song.  Fragments of Time is more of what has been brought already from the album, and still stays refreshing.  It's funky, it's disco-inspired, it's got a great singer, it's emotional, it's more of what I love about this album.  There isn't much to say, but Fragments of Time jams everything you've heard throughout the album and brings it all together to still be relaxing.  It's upbeat, it's meaningful, it's amazing and another fantastic track on Random Access Memories.

Track 12: Doin' It Right featuring Panda Bear

  Once again, there's not much to say about this song that I haven't said about other songs on the album.  It's funky, it's got a great singer, it's more of what I love about this album and really builds up.  However, this time Daft Punk bring their own robotic voices to add more texture with the vocals.  There isn't too much to say, but I enjoy it almost as much as the last several tracks.

Track 13: Contact

  This... Is... How... You... End... An... Album... Don't end an album in a boring manor, you want to leave almost how you walked in.  Contact is amazing, and I put it right up there with Touch, Give Life Back To Music, Giorgio by Moroder, and Get Lucky for best songs on the album.  It just sucks you right in and blasts you with everything you love about Daft Punk.  Contact literally sounds like a rocket launching off to not space, but to the outer awesomeness, and as the rocket sails away to venture onward, you can't help but cry as you know it will be back someday.  Also the ending sounds like the rocket is hitting warp speed or something.  Maybe the rocket crash landed, who knows?  The future is never certain.  That is what Contact leaves me with for a space voyage, the album, and even the future of Daft Punk.  Contact is an unbelievable ending to an unbelievable album.

  Not bad for an album that was recorded in 5 different studios.  Daft Punk proves once again that they know how to make Electronic Dance Music Electronic Dance Music.  EDM has been poisoned by so many who fail at provoking any thought or feeling but just jump and flop around on the dance floor.  Even though I love this album a lot, I may not have rated Random Access Memories as high if it wasn't for the fact that Daft Punk is giving life back to a genre so devoid of anything interesting for the most part.  Random Access Memories is full of surprises and knows exactly what the listener wants and delivers.  This is what I'd like to see for the future of not just EDM, but for music as a whole.  Daft Punk proves that there are still artists who pour every bit of talent that they have to make such a time-worthy album.  Lovers of 70's music, 80's music, Electronic music, and Daft Punk will find something to fall in love with in this album, and as for Daft Punk, they are Human After All.  Thank you Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel De-Homem Christo.  Buy this album.

Verdict: Random Access Memories presents something for everyone, and not just that, but anyone can fall in love with this masterpiece.  Random Access Memories is a trendsetter and it deserves every bit of my highest rating for an album so far.  Final Score: 10/10.